Cup Ramen: Insanity
by Existential Insanity
Summary: A collection of un-beta'd and probably unedited ideas. Poorly thought out and a level of crazy that hurts my brain. Still, I hope you enjoy. Rated M for swearing and perhaps some lady parts.
1. Chapter 1: Mito x Naruto: Timetravel

The Divine Authority of the Gods. Such an august title for what appeared to simply be a time-space ninjutsu. One side sent you away into essentially nothingness and the other phased you away into your own not-space pocket.

But, as Naruto found out, using them in conjunction did oh so much more.

It had been three years since the Shinobi Alliance had managed to defeat the Uchiha and the Juubi. Shion had appeared and sealed away the Juubi using Divine Chakra, something unique to her line, and threw the beast back to the moon. This allowed Maradra to be sealed, and Tobi to be defeated.

She had then promptly informed Naurto it was time for him to make good on his promise.

Hinata had been less than pleased.

After Shion was confirmed pregnant, she had returned to Oni no Kuni and left Naruto to his own devices. Which meant Hinata.

They had given it a go, and after about seven months broke it off. Hinata was too in love with the 'Golden Naruto' ideal to make it work. Hanabi had been glad to step in, much to everyone's surprise.

Naruto had been offered Hokage, but he had declined saying he needed more experience in leading. Kakashi had eye-smiled at the wisdom of his student's words until he realized that meant he had to be Hokage with Tsunade's death.

Kakashi then put Naruto through every single leadership course and sent him on missions as the leader every chance he got. Naruto quickly jumped through the ranks and into ANBU. It was on an ANBU patrol that the crazy went down.

XXXXX

"Tobi?!" Naruto shouted in surprise.

"I hate that name," the Uchiha spat out along with a grand fireball.

As the two traded justsu and occasionally blows, Kakashi high-tailed it to the scene. When he got there he saw a Naruto swinging a Fuuton: Rasengan into Tobi. Thinking it was a Shadow Clone, Kakashi used Kamui to warp the 'Shadow Clone' into Tobi's not-space.

It had been Naruto.

That was when the world collapsed in on itself.

XXXXX

Naruto decided this technique really sucked. It hurt getting in here and then it was boring. Tobi had never shown up.

"This blows," Naruto groused from behind his Gama mask, before removing it and sealing it away.

"Yup," Kurama agreed, "This is what being inside a seal is like. Whole lotta nothin'."

Naruto sighed and looked around. There was a speck of light way off in the distance.

"Think I should see if I can get there?"

Kurama shrugged inside his seal.

"It could be far beyond any distance you've ever travelled, or it could be a single... shushin... away."

Kurama face palmed. It really had been a single shushin away. Naruto had taken inititive and moved before Kurama had been done speaking.

Before Naruto was a small sphere, perhaps the size of his fist. He shrugged and reached out to touch it.

"Wait, it could be-"

Naruto touched it and his world was redifined as pain.

XXXXX

"About time. I've been looking for a way to send you back to save our people since you were born. Now, go be a good little Uzumaki and save the rest of my descendents."

XXXXX

Mito huffed. Why did her Daddy insist on bargaining with the Senju? She didn't want to marry Harashima, he was thirty-five to her fifteen! She was already going to outlive him even if he wasn't a ninja.

Mito kicked a rock into the ocean. And why did Harashima have to choose her? There were a dozen other Uzumaki women making cow eyes at him! All of them older than her, and more experienced. She wanted to scream.

As it turned out it was a good thing she didn't otherwise she might have missed the gigantic plop of something much bigger than a rock falling into the ocean. With wide eyes she peered into the waves. A brillant yellow head of hair surfaced momentarily before getting sucked back down.

"Hang on!" Mito screamed. Someone was drowning! She quickly summoned a messenger rabbit, "Go get someone form the village! There's somebody drowning here!"

The rabbit gave a quick salute and bounded off, as Mito ripped off her shoes and dove in. The water was cold and Uzu no Kuni's typical level of violent. Mito silently thanked Susa'wanoo that they were nowhere near a whirlpool.

'Where are they?' she thought as she dove deeper. The water was relatively clear and it was only about five to ten meters deep, but there were plenty of rocks and crevices. There! Thank Susa'wanoo his hair was so bright. But it looked as if his foot was caught in a cranny.

Mito swam up to him and gave a little tug, trying to dislodge him. It didn't work. She swam down to his foot to see if she could get it out easily or if she would have to cut it off. Luckily, it looked like she could just push it out. She pushed it out of the crevice, tearing skin and sinew, and releasing a cloud of blood.

Now she had to hurry before the sharks came.

Mito grabbed the man, it was very apparent now, and began to push for the surface. She made a face, he was heavy. Getting him up the cliff was going to suck if nobody had responed to her summons, but they were in the clear at this point.

She broke the surface with a great gasp of air. She had been almost out. A wet plop sounded right next to her. It was a rope. Mito smiled brilliantly and looked up. The smile turned into a scowl as the one who had thrown the rope was Senju Tobirama.

She gripped the rope and the man with a small application of chakra and called up.

"Pull us up!"

Thirty seconda later, Mito and the man were on top of the cliff and Mito began checking him over and seeing if he was breathing. She grimaced. He wasn't. She would have to give him CPR.

Tobirama just watched his brother's almost fiance. She acted cool in the face of adversity and stress. Another check in the 'Why Mito was the perfect girl' column for Hari-kun.

Mito realized that this would be her first kiss. But in light of her first kiss and this man surviving... Well Mito was okay with it. She went in to give him the kiss of life. Mito pushed air into his lungs and was rewarded with a mouthful of water. As she reeled back onto her butt, both she and the man sputtered.

The man rolled over and coughed violently, letting out the rest of the water in his lungs.

"Fuck drowning," he rasped.

Mito rolled back forward onto all fours.

"Mister, are you all right?"

"Yeah, Uzumaki Naruto doesn't stay.. down.. for... long," with that Naruto's eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted. Kurama, unbeknownst to anyone was laughing his ass off. He figured he'd give the kid a scare and not help until the last second. Afterall, Biju-empowered Naruto could survive not breathing. Still something niggled back in Kurama's mind.

Tobirama looked at Mito.

"He doesn't look like any Uzumaki I know."

"Me either," Mito responded dumbly, watching his ankle heal at a rate only her clansmen could.

XXXXX

Uzumaki Akinori frowned at the man on the bed. He looked like he came from Lightning Country, with that bright yellow hair. But his facial structure said 'Uzumaki,' or perhaps 'Senju,' but given the clear blue eyes Akinori would have to settle on 'Uzumaki.' Given his youngest's account of how fast the nasty wound on his ankle healed, he should be a 'lost' Uzumaki, and it would be very unlikely that he would know he was an Uzumaki.

But...

It was possible.

The healers had said that his body showed signs of severe crush type injuries, he was healed from them now, a day after his discovery, but his chakra would be low and he would likely be out for another day.

Using one of the clan's secret seals, they measured his chakra. It wasn't low. They started slapping chakra suppressors on him like one would throw candy at a Damiyo's parade.

Akinori rubbed the bridge of his nose. Mito had been asking to see him since daybreak. Perhaps while he was still out. Akinori walked away, his faith in the supressors and restaining seals unwavering.

XXXXX

Mito beamed at her father.

"Thank you, Daddy!" she said and she hugged him. She let go and bounded down the halls to the detention infirmary.

"You're.. welcome..." Akinori sighed. Why did his youngest have to be a girl? They were so hard to raise. His wife had borne him six handsome and strong sons, he supposed he owed her a daughter. But even then...

Akinori really hated this generation of Senju.

He walked steadily after his daughter.

XXXXX

Mito stopped hard infront of the door and took a breath, he was healing and still unconsious.

She slid open the door and wasn't greeted by a sleeping man but a man sitting up in bed studing the chakra suppressor tag in his hand.

"Huh, never would've thought of spirialing the chakra back into the seal to strengthen it gradually, too bad they didn't lay it out in a matrix or have a fail safe if someone forced too much into them," he heard Mito gasp and turned his head to the sound.

Naruto smiled brightly and rubbed the back of his head.

"Uh, hey there."

Mito gaped and just pointed, her mouth flapping like a fish.

"Hello?"

"Howdidyoudothatyouhadliketwe ntysupressors?Howareyouevenmovingyoureinju rieswereterribleandyouwereun derarestraintseal?ImUzumakiMitoandyousaidyouwe reUzumakiNarutobutyourenotin theclanregister!" she babbled, before realizing she had been babbling and blushed prettily.

"Umm..." Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "I have a lot of chakra and can force most supressors to overload; I heal fast, like really, really fast and its a trade secret; and I am Uzumaki Naruto, I've never heard of any Uzumaki Mito though, so how do I know you're not lying?"

Naruto gave her a mocking evil eye.

"I am too Uzumaki Mito! I've been Uzumaki Mito since I was born! And you're," Mito pointed at him sharply, "The one not in the clan register."

Naruto tilted his head to the side and spaced out, finding himself in a sewer.

"Kid," Kurama looked like he was about to hyperventilate.

"Yes, furball?"

"That really is Uzumaki Mito. You would know her as Senju Mito. She was my first container and the wife to your first Hokage."

Naruto looked up at Kurama with incredulity.

"You mean we went back in time from touching that orb?"

"Divine Authority of the Gods, kid. Kinjutsu of that level usually have a bit of truth to their name. Ameterasu really does summon the black flames of heaven. There is some god that wants you here, now."

"So I should play this out how?"

"Keep the fact your from the future close to your chest. Try telling the clan head. Other than that, stay away from that devil!" Kurama pointed down at Naruto with a shaking paw/hand.

Naruto suddenly found himself back in reality with Mito waving in front of his face and a wary looking man garmed in old style shinobi armor. Naruto blinked and leaned away from Mito.

"Mito, was it? I'd rather not give anyone a reason to attack me, so if you could go stand by..." Naruto looked at the man.

"You shall address me as Uzumaki-sama," Akinori supplied tersly.

"Go stand by Uzumaki-jiji and I'll start answering some questions so I might be able to leave this cell," Naruto smiled brightly.

Akinori's eyebrow twitched. He was only fifty for Susa'wanoo's sake! That was young for an Uzumaki!

Mito obliged and smiled back at Naruto.

"Mito is the one who saved you," Akinori began. Naurot flashed Mito another smile and a thumbs up. Mito giggled at his silliness. Akinori continued loudly, "She tells me that before you passed out you claimed to be Uzumaki Naruto. You are not on our clan register, nor do you look like any of my kinsmen. Who are you really?"

"I've been Uzumaki Naruto since I can remember having a name. Don't know anything about any clan or clan register," Naruto said, "Always just thought it was a name."

The seal hidden under Naruto's mattress thrummed through its partner seal clasped in Akinori's hand. The young man was telling the truth.

"Where are you from?"

"I have a feeling my village doesn't exist right now..." Naruto looked down at his hands.

Mito gasped softly. He had lost his entire village?

"My sensei used a technique on me thinking I was a clone during a battle and next thing I know I was drowning."

The seal thrummed again. Akinori sighed.

"You are to remain in this room, food will be brought to you, and a guard will be posted. As a gesture of good faith, I will allow Mito to visit, but she will sit here," Akinori looked at his daughter sternly and pointed to a chair across the room from Naruto, "And will be behind a barrier."

"Yes, Father," Mito bowed her head.

"Wow, thanks! I was thinking you were gonna send her away and start torturing me!" Naruto said with a big grin.

Akinori looked at Naruto exasperatedly.

"If you aren't really an Uzumaki, I'll eat my boots. I must go gather the clan elders and decide what to do with you. Until then, do not test us further than you have."

Naruto chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, "Sure thing Uzumaki-jiji."

Akinori guided his protesting daughter out of the room and went to find someone to post outside of the hospital cell.

XXXXX

Uzumaki Kaito stood outside the open door to the detainee's cell, while he chated away with the Clan Head's daughter, Mito. She was properly behind her barrier, something she was quite gifted with, and the detainee was sitting on the bed, glad to have some pants.

They were currently swapping stories of the countryside. The detainee sounded like he had been just about everywhere in the Elemental Countries with his late sensei, a man named Jiraiya, who was apprently also quite the pervert.

Mito, in turn, told the detainee about the wonderful reefs and dangerous eddies that gave their people, their village, and their country its name.

Still, Kaito mused, the lad had to have been a ninja. No non-ninja could tell stories like these and leave out all sorts of important details. So much had been said and so little learned. If you believed everything the detainee had said at face value, he was apprenticed to an author and fuinjutsu master and was quite accomplished in both areas himself. The first as a ghostwriter for the series he had yet to name, and as an fifth dan journeyman in the second.

The conversation turned to fuinjutsu theory and Kaito had to tune them out.

"Uzumaki seals are very different from the 'standard' seals. All the spirals, instead of lines with squiggles," Naruto explained to Mito, who had never been exposed to 'standard' fuinjutsu.

"But you said earlier that you didn't know anything about an Uzumaki clan existing," Mito countered, trying to catch him in a lie.

"I thought it was just a style of fuinjutsu, my sensei learned both when he was young, and he made it sound like a different way of doing the same thing," Naruto chuckled with his hand on his head.

Mito thought the gesture was too cute for words and wanted to squeal everytime he did it.

"Though I've found the Uzumaki method to generally be more efficient. My sensei's old partner tried devoloping his own fuinjutsu style and it was horrible. Fifteen sysmbols or more for what even in standard only took five. It was good for mind control seals and the like though, which had been his intention."

Naruto scowled at the thought of Orochimaru.

"That's horrible!"

Mito covered her mouth with her hand at the thought of someone (Harishima) controlling her.

"He was a horrible and unrepentant bastard. Anyways, I specialize in body modification seals, you?"

Mito smiled and gestured to the almost invisible bubble around her.

"Barriers. I can do almost anything with them, though sometimes the information I get from sensor barriers is hard to interpret."

Naruto put his chin on his fist, "Why don't you use a secondary seal to create a visual interpretation of the barrier's sphere of influence?"

Mito stared blankly at Naruto.

"You... You're good, you!"

He smiled and took a small bow, "Thank you, thank you."

"What kind of body modifications?" Mito brought up abruptly.

"Eh, things like weight and resistance seals, stuff that'll increase visual acuity, give you night vision. Basically given the right seal matrix I can emulate most bloodlines. But I don't try to do that since its really risky. I just use little seals to help augment what I do already. I use some others in my taijustsu style offensively."

"You can place seals without ink?"

"Yup, though it was a bitch to learn."

Kaito zoned back in and checked his watch.

"Mito-hime, your time is up."

Mito pouted but giggled when Naruto made a face at Kaito's back through the wall.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Naruto-kun!"

"Bye, Mito-chan!"

Mito left the room and Naruto could swear there was some sway to her hips that hadn't been there when she came in.

"Hey, uh, Kaito, right?"

Kaito peeked through the slits in the door as he closed it.

"Yeah?"

"She's the daughter of someone wicked important isn't she? And if she were to crush on me it would be very bad, yeah?"

"Yes."

"Fuck a duck."

Kaito resumed his post and chuckled internally, how would Mito-hime ever have a crush on an uncouth bastard like the detainee when she was practically engaged to Harishima-sama already?

"Hey Kaito?"

Kaito peeked in through the doors slits again.

"Yeah?"

"How do I get a girl to not like me?"

Kaito stared at the man on the bed through the slits, before going back to his post.

"Kaito? Kaito? C'mon man, help a brother out? I've never had to try to get a girl to like me! They always seem to like me even when I don't like them!"

A tic appeared in Kaito's forehead as the blonde in the cell kept rambling. It was like the kid already knew that Kaito had zero luck with the ladies.

XXXXX


	2. Chapter 2: Naruto X-over Percy Jackson

He With The Ability to Help by All Means

A Naruto and Percy Jackson Crossover

"Oh fuck..."

Naruto was busy fighting the Impure Summon of Uchiha Madara when that thought, coming from the Great Demon sealed inside of him, passed through his mind. And then a very strange sensation began to crawl across his body getting stronger and stronger.

"NO!" Madar yelled.

Then the world warped into a swirl, and became nothing.

X

Voices, Naruto heard voices. He tried to speak but there was an immense pressure every time he opened his mouth.

The first voice was feminine, ancient, and powerful. The sound burned Naruto's person and blinded him as if he had that sound-sight cross over thing.

'Synesthesia' Kurama's voice provided, faint. Kurama's voice sounded even older than the woman's voice, gutteral, animalistic. Not like what Kurama had sounded like when inside the seal.

Another voice spoke. A simple sylable, and yet this third voice sounded deeper than the roots of mountains and almost as old as Kurama's.

"No."

The female voice 'humph'd and it burned.

Kurama spoke to the female voice, as haughty and as arrogant as Naruto remembered. It was comforting. The familarity.

The female voice attempted to argue and it burned and Naruto tried to cover his eyes with his hands, but Kurama overrode the voice loud and understandable.

"I will fight you every step of the way! Grant me this wish, or you will suffer! I cannot devour you as I have so many, but neither can you kill me!"

"Fine."

The black world lit up and Naruto was sure he would never see again, and he knew no more.

X

When Naruto forced his eyes open, the world he saw was naught but swirling clouds, heavy and full of rain. Lightning occasionally danced across them.

"Ah, good," a voice sounded from behind Naruto, who whirled to meet the speaker, "I caught you in time."

The man before him looked like a red-headed version of his father, Namikaze Minato, dressed up like a samurai. The armor the man wore was blue and white and the Gunbari hanging between the seated man's legs bore the Uzumaki swirl.

"Wh-" Naruto cleared his throat, "Who are you?"

The man stared on for a second before taking a swig of his sake bottle.

"I am many things, some more important than others. But to you, I am your father and your ancestor before all things."

"But- but!" Naruto tried to word his question.

"I am Susanoo. Patron deity of the Uzumaki," the now revealed god took another swig of his sake, "We are not permitted anymore to intefere directly with mortals. I knew of Uzushio being crushed before hand and so placed myself in a position that your mother would find me, and if things went correctly, fall in love with me, or more precisely, my mortal visage. So, I am your father, and your ancestor."

Naruto gaped at the man.

"The repeated use of the eyes made in a bout of Tsukiyomi's jealousy, specifically the Kamui technique, shredded the dimensional barriers around your battle. You were then sucked into limbo, being the most powerful entity there, you and Kurama's combined might broke open a rift. Amaterasu wished to have you sent to the Afterlife, but Shinigami-dono said 'no.'"

Susanoo grinned lopsidedly. The thought of someone saying 'no' to his sister pleased him immensely.

"Kurama then asked that you be spared, simply cast out, like I was. But since you were never of the Heavenly Plane, you couldn't remain on the Impure Plane. So she sent you sideways, and I caught you."

The gears were turning fast in Naruto's head. It made snese but it didn't! So Naruto just asked a question at the fore-front of his mind.

"What would have happened to me if you hadn't caught me?"

The god shrugged.

"I don't know. You could've ended up in one of many, many worlds or drifted for eternity, alive but not living. But the one I'm sending you to... Well, the Gods that rule there owe me. A lot."

"Who?"

"The Greco-Roman Gods. They like to hide the Greek side from the Roman side and vice-versa, so don't mention it to any of the younglings."

Naruto looked at the god, with a confused expression. Finally Naruto shrugged.

"So, I am the son of Susanoo-no-Mikoto, and his descedant. I was thrown from my world because me and Kurama together is stupid powerful and it tore open a dimensional rift. Amaterasu-no-Mikoto sent me from that world when she couldn't have me killed, and then my father, saved me? Am I right so far?"

Susanoo nodded.

"Since you're a god, why didn't you just banish Kurama when he attack Konoha?"

Susanoo grimaced.

"There are laws, divine ones. When I was Minato, I didn't fully realize I was a god, not until I died. So I couldn't just banish him. To put it better, perhaps: Minato is me, but I am not Minato. He is but a fraction of a part of what makes me up."

Naruto looked at Susanoo blank faced.

"You don't really care about me do you? You just-"

"No!" The clouds around Naruto and Susanoo crackled full of power and thunder, the wind picked up and began to tug on Naruto's clothes, and it began to rain lightly, "You are my son and I love you! I have loved all my children! But you are the one I am most proud of! You walk the Spiral Path! I would see you ascend were it not for the damnable laws!"

Susanoo was cut off when Naruto lunged forward and hugged the divine being. Susanoo returned it with just as much force. Holding his son tight, Susanoo picked up with the important information he had to pass on to Naruto.

"I will give you a mortal copy of the Totsuka no Tsurugi and the knowledge with which to use it, and the knowledge of the language they speak where I am sending you, but I can do no more directly. The rest is up to you, walk on the Spiral Path, my beloved son."

Lightning sparked and thunder cracked and Naruto felt the sudden loss of his father, before the world warped again.

X

Percy had an idea, and it worked except now it looked like the Minotaur wouldn't run into the tree.

CRACK-THWOOM!

A blinding bolt of lightning struck the ground, and the concussive force drove the Minotaur back on course for the tree. Percy, though partially blinded, managed to drive the pen-sword into the Minotaur causing a great bellow. With a crack, the Minotaur boke off his own horn to face the young demi-god and charge again.

Percy frantically dodged, eventually ending up without a sword and his back to the same tree that had the horn still embedded in it.

'Why not? I'm dead if I don't even try.'

With that Percy ripped the horn from the tree, dodged another charged and leapt on to the giant half-man, half-bull's back and drove the broken horn down as hard as he could into the monster.

Percy fell to the ground with a thud as the monster roared and began to turn into dust and mist.

"Percy!" Grover yelled as he rushed over.

"Oh, hey, Grover, I think there's a person there," and Percy's eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to the ground.

Not one to cuss often, Grover let out a soft 'shit,' when he turned around and noticed there was indeed another person there, and he, too, was out cold.

X

Naruto slowly woke up, trying to blink the fatigue out of his eyes. He was pretty sure he had never been this tired.

'Is this what it feels like to be normal? Normal sucks.'

He groaned and tried to sit up.

"Whoa there, lay back down," a girl's voice called out before hands gently pushed him back down, "You came from one hell of a fight, judging from the wounds you had. Here, drink this."

How was he supposed to drink- oh, she was lifting his head and cup ok.

"Tastes good," he croaked out. 'Yup, being normal blows.'

"Its ambrosia, it'll help you heal faster."

Naruto blinked a few times and the person shaped blob slowly became a person.

"I'm Naruto of the Uzumaki Clan," he managed after clearing his throat.

"Clarisse La Rue," the girl introduced herself with a small frown, "Let me go get one of the regular helpers, I'm only here 'cause I got punished."

"Mmmk," Naurto mumbled as he slowly fell back asleep.

X

On Mount Olympus the Gods were arguing, not an unusual occurance, but the subject was.

"He is a foreigner! How can we accept him?!"

"He is still but a boy, what harm can he do? Let him stay."

"I think you should all go with letting him stay," Susanoo's voice rang out, "He is my son afterall, and most of you owe me favours, or are easily cowed."

Susanoo's favourite past time: Annoying and Bullying Other Gods for Fun: Greek Version.

Zeus teeth ground together so loud, Posideon thought about laughing. Posideon and Susanoo got along decently. Both being gods of the sea and sea storms, and both loving to dick with other gods. But laughing would probably aggravate the whole Master Bolt situation.

"Fine," Zeus spat, "He can stay, but he will be watched, and you cannot influence anything here!"

Susanoo pouted.

"But I have awesome items of POWER that he has to go on quests for! Can I at least do that? Pretty flayed pony in your bed please?"

"How abou-" Zeus began.

"I could put that pony in Hera's bed and then she can blame you for not giving me such a simple thing."

Hera glared at her husband.

"Fine. Now leave!"

Susanoo gave a two-fingered salute and dissapeared in a crack of thunder.

"I hate him. How come he gets to do that and I don't?"

Posideon couldn't let this one go. Time to use one of Zeus favourite comebacks against him.

"Mother Rhea liked him best."

X

Clarisse wasn't happy for a few reasons. Her plan to initiate the shorter new kid had backfired and landed her on infirmary duty. The WORST punishment for any of the Aries cabin. Second, the taller new kid was good looking, and that was doing not fun things to her stomach. Thirdly, she had been assigned to help the guy get around.

Lastly, he introduced himself in such a weird way. Uzumaki Clan, what was that?

Clarisse harumph'ed as she entered the Medical Pavillion. She was gobsmacked to find him standing, walking, and looking around for something.

"C'mon it should be here. Why in the hell wouldn't it?"

"What should be here?"

Naruto would swear until his dying day that the shriek he let out was as manly as they come. Clarisse would forever enjoy ribbing Naruto about the girliest sound she had ever heard a boy produce.

He took a deep breath and calmed himself.

"My Sake Bottle. Its a little ceramic bottle about this big," Naruto held his hands apart at the approximate size.

"Oh, Mr. D confiscated it, saying if he wasn't allowed to have alchohol, nobody was."

Naruto looked like he had blown a fuse.

"It was empty! And its the only momento I have from my father! Where is this 'Mr. D?!'"

Clarisse normally would have said something mean and degrading, but seeing as her father, Aries, was important to her and if they had confiscated her spear. Well, when she got that spear back it would be spearing.

"Well, I geuss since you're well enough to be up and looking for it, you're well enough to meet Mr. D and go on the grand tour."

Naruto nodded and began to stride to the door with Purpose! But a loud 'eep' turned him around.

"YOU CAN'T GO AROUND WEARING A HOSPITAL GOWN! ITS NOT DECENT!"

He looked down and saw that he was, indeed, wearing a hospital gown and had given Clarisse a free show. He shrugged.

"Where are my clothes? Or my equipment? I have more clothes in my scrolls, if the ones I were wearing were destroyed."

Ten minutes later, Clarisse was waiting outside the Medical Pavillion red-faced. Upon receiving his clothes and scrolls, Naruto just divested himself of his gown and given Clarisse another free show. She slapped him and left him to his devices. She was going to spear him to the ground first chance she got!

"Alirght, let's go get my momento," Naruto said as he stepped out side tightening his forehead protector. He was wearing a black jumpsuit with orange stripes and had a horribly clashing red coat with black flames over the jumpsuit.

"Gonna have to change this cloak methinks," he mumbled to himself.

It was a quick walk to the Big House. They stepped inside and Clarisse spotted Chiron.

"Sweet shivering Kami! A horse-man!"

"I am a centaur, young man. Not a horse-man,"Chiron chided.

"And this part of you is?" Naruto asked as if he was talking to a small child, pointing to Chiron's hindquarters.

"Horse."

"And this part is?"

"Man," Chiron wondered where this was going.

"Horse-man," Naruto deadpanned.

"Centaur," Chiron deadpanned back.

"Is that what you call a horse-man?"

"Yes."

"Ok, then. Now, where is my bottle?"

Chiron looked to Clarisse for clarification.

"He says that the bottle of Sake Mr. D conficated was a memento from his father, and it was empty.

"Ah, yes, and I presume he wants the scroll that came out of it?" Chiron said as he walked over to a cabinet and drew forth a rather large Sake bottle and scroll.

"Yes, please," Naruto ground out. Presuming was like assuming. It really was.

Upon receiving the bottle, Naruto tied it to his left hip belt loop. Without preamble, he then opened the scroll.

_Kiddo,_

_These are the Greek demi-gods, at their Camp Half-Blood. Don't really know why these guys do this to their kids, but whatever. I'll claim you soon, so until then cope and don't tell anyone. But when I do claim you, ask to build a shrine to me out of the way, so you can have your own pad. If not, Posideon might let you crash at his place._

_The bottle is the sheath to the sword. Sometimes you just gotta take a pull, know what I mean?_

_As to Chakra. You may not have noticed, or just attributed it to not having Kurama, but you can't externally express it as anything other than Elemental Chakra, but probably not techniques. You might be able to stick to walls and walk on water, but I'm not sure. I'm not all-knowing. I know you know how to do Wind, brush up on Water and Lightning, I have scrolls sealed into the bottom of this, transcribed from the very first ones on those manipulation. So it's pretty basic, but thats what you need._

_Branch out as best you can, make some friends, and go on some quests to get some sweet items of POWER I have left around that world. Greeks love quests._

_Walk the Spiral Path, my son._

_With much love and pride,_

_Susanoo-no-Mikoto_

_P.S. If they give you shit about building a shrine to me, remind them that I am the God of Seas and Storms, and the Ruler of Yomi. That's like Zeus, Posideon, and Hades wrapped up in one._

"Asshole," Naruto grumbled good naturedly. He rolled the scroll up and tucked it away.

"Now that you are done ignoring me, perhaps we can introduce ourselves. I am Chiron, the centaur, and trainer of heroes."

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto stuck out his hand. Chiron shook his hand as Naruto frowned thoughtfully.

"Naruto is my given name. Uzumaki is my clan name."

"Indeed?" Chiron leaned on his staff, "Then you should introduce yourself as 'Naruto Uzumaki' while here."

X

"And this is Cabin Eleven, where all unclaimed half-bloods go, along with all of Hermes' children and children of minor gods."

The cabin was a dull brown and paint was visibly peeling. The cabin just looked like it was about to fall apart.

"Looks like shit."

"Hey, now," a new voice rang out, "That's no way to talk about your new home. I'm Luke."

The man-boy was tall and lanky, with light hair and eyes. If Naruto hadn't spent years training under a spymaster, he would've like this guy. But there was something off. SPY SPY SPY SPY SPY. Naruto shook his head to clear the alarms ringing in his head and just decided to play along for now.

"Naruto."

The two males shook hands before Luke turned to Clarisse.

"I never thought I'd see you giving a new camper the tour, Clarisse. I thought the children of Aries too good for such a lowly task."

Clarisse snorted.

"Chiron doesn't. And Naruto was my charge until I brought him here. Goodbye!"

With that, Clarisse turned on her heel and began to walk away.

"Hey! Don't be a stranger, Clarisse La Rue!" Naruto called after her.

"I won't be, Naruto of the Uzumaki Clan," she muttered without looking back. She did, however, wave over her shoulder.

Luke gaped at Naruto for a second.

"How in the-. She's the favourite daughter of Aries here at camp! I wouldn't get on her bad side. Besides wait 'til you get a peek at Aphrodite's daughters, you'll forget all about her!"

Naruto cocked his head and an eyebrow at the older boy.

"That," he said pointing at Clarisse's retreating form, "Is a whole lot of fightin' woman. I'd rather have that than some meek high priestess girl. And I should know. I've had High Priestess before. And princess."

Naruto looked thoughtful fopr a second before he cried to the heavens with a big thumbs up.

"Sensei, I have learned your lessons of life well!"

X

"AHA! That's my boy! Fightin' women indeed!" Jiraiya cackled, high-fiving Kushina, who looked just as pleased.

"At least he's not openly perverted," she mumbled to herself while a smile threatened to split her face.

"GRANDBABIES!" came Tsunade's drunken slur. She was soon joined by Kushina in drunken rambling about 'Naru-grandbabies,' of which one currently existed.

X

"Besides, who is this Aries guy, and Hermes, and the rest of them?" Naruto made a sweeping gesture around the cabins.

Luke looked at the shorter blonde.

"You don't know?"

Naruto just shook his head.

Luke left out none of the dirty embarrassing details. These Gods were really quite petty.

X

Capture the Flag.

At first Naruto was confused, then Annabeth, Percy's (the guy he had inadvertantly helped when appearing on this world) friend, explained it was like war games. But no killing and maiming was frowned upon.

A few minutes later and Naruto just shed all of the armor and weapons given to him.

"Hey, you're gonna need that," Luke tried to point out.

"It's heavy, hot, and it gets in the way. Besides, I got something way cooler."

Naruto popped his Sake Bottle open and placed his right hand over it like he was going to pull a sword from it. Then he did pull a sword from it. The Totsuka-no-Tsurugi.

"What is that?" Luke asked.

"The Ten-Span Sword. My father's memento. And it really doesn't work with that armor anyways."

Luke just nodded.

"Well, I hope you know how to use it."

Images flooded Naruto's mind, and he spaced out for a minute.

"Yeah," he answered Luke absent-mindedly.

X

These Aries boys were pretty good. When Naruto had come across them he just got their attention and said something like 'Your mother is a Babylonian whore and your father likes to go crying to granddaddy when he gets a paper cut.'

With a cry of rage they charged him.

It had taken a few minutes to get into the rhythm of the fight, but slowly Naruto was beginning to eek out on top, he did have the superior range.

"Yanno," Naruto said blocking a swing from the boy to his right before initiating his own attack, "I don't know your mother, so I doubt she's a whore, and a paper cut to a god is like disembowlment to you and me. They were just fightin' words. I would cry to my grandma every time I got disembowled. Well, not cry, because I was usually comatose, but you know what I mean."

"So," the biggest of the Sons of Aries who stabbed at Naruto said, "You just said those things to get into a good fight?"

Naruto grinned lopsidedly as he ducked a chop from his left.

"Who doesn't enjoy a good fight?"

Some of the Sons of Aries snorted.

"Most of this camp, but we would've given ya a good un with out them words."

"Oh, well, Clarisse didn't mention-" Naruto grunted with exertion as he sent a fast slice across someone's thigh, "that when she gave me the tour. And I'd rather not end up on her bad side."

"Oh? Tryin' to get in good with our sister?" the biggest one said before crashing down on Naruto with a big overhand blow, which was followed up by a shield smash.

Naruto deflected the sword and bounded back away from the bash.

"She's a whole lotta fightin' woman. She would've been real popular back home. I'm Naruto," Naruto gave a quick salute.

The big one looked around and saw most of his brothers on the ground nursing wounds. He stood up and saluted briefly.

"I'd say you have a chance, as small as it may be. I'm Mark and he's Sherman."

"Wh-urk!"

Naruto cursed himself as he fell foward into a roll. pivoting on one knee, Naruto summoned up wind and pushed with his open hand. He heard two statisfying fleshy thumps. He stood up and saw most of the Aries boys looking at him tiredly or unconsious. Suddenly one of the clapped twice. The rest of the consious crowd clapped twice as fast as they could.

"What was that for?"

"Two claps for good fights," one groaned out.

"Oh."

Then a horn rang out through the forest, and all the Aries boys groaned.

"Blue team wins!"

X

Naruto just walked up when a blue light and a trident appeared above Percy's head.

"Hail Percy Jackson, Son of Posideon, Earthshaker, Stormbringer, Father of Horses, Hail!"

"Hail!" went up from all the campers, though it was a tad sub-dued.

"Well, that's interesting," Naruto said drawing attention to himself.

"What do those symbols mean?!" some camper called out pointing over Naruto's head.

Naruto looked over his head trying to see the symbols. He could make out a big swirl he identified as the Uzumaki swirl with a sheathed sword laid across it. but below that was a smaller icon. A tanto across a white cloth. Naruto's mouth went dry.

"Hail Naruto Uzumaki, Son of Susanoo-no-Mikoto, the Tempestuous God of Valor, blessed by the," Chiron paused before continuing, "Shinigami, the God of Death."

"Fuck."

"Hail!" came from the campers, but even more sub-dued than finding out that Percy was the son of one of the Big Three.

X

"Care to explain?" Chiron asked Naruto as they made their way to the big house.

"Well, I knew Susanoo was my father, but I've been touched by the Shinigami, never thought I had been blessed," Naruto scrunched up his face, "How did you even know what those symbols meant?"

"The knowledge came to me. I suspect Athena whispered it into my mind. I know nothing else about your gods."

"Why, besides that they're not Greek, did everyone act all mopey?"

"The God of the Underworld isn't very well liked. He is also the God of Death, and many of the campers figure you would be the Japanese equivalent of one of his children."

Naruto shook his head.

"Dad is the ruler of Yomi, the World of Darkness. But all the stories I grew up hearing about him make him out to be a pretty good guy. Except when he killed one of my Aunt's handmaidens," Naruto's face scrunched up again, "But I lived in a pretty pro-Amatersu place. My clan is from Uzu no Kuni, the Land of Whirlpools, and in places like that the story might be a little different."

Chiron's pace slowed and then halted.

"Your father is the God of the Underworld?"

Naruto shook his head.

"Technically, yes. He rules Yomi, but he's the God of the Seas and Storms. He's kinda like the Big Three wrapped into one god."

Chiron paled slightly.

"Speaking of, can I build my own shrine-stroke-cabin in a little out of the way spot?"

"We will have to ask Mr. D when he gets back from the meeting on Olympus, perhaps Posideon, being another Sea God, will consent to you sharing space with his son, at least while he's away on his quest."

"Quest? Quest? Can I go on a quest?"

Naruto bounced around Chiron excitedly. But Chiron just shook his head.

"Not at this time. Let's figure out your accomadations first."

X


	3. Chapter 3: Naru x Mito: Crazy epic ideas

Naruto just stared at his hands. Occasionally, he turned them over, still seeing in his mind's eye the red, malevolent chakra - _youki_, whispered a dark voice in his mind - covering them.

It had been three days since the failed mission to retreive Sauske before he reached Orochimaru. Neji, Chouji, and Kiba were all still in the hospital, recovering. Luckily, thanks to the skills of Tsunade and her elder apprentice Shizune, all three would survive.

Genin, all of them save Shikamaru, had defeated jounin-level ninja, except for himself, with a little help from their Suna allies. Naruto had been entrusted with the most vital part of the mission, actually defeating and retreiving Sauske.

The mission was a failure because he, Naruto, had failed. Naruto had pulled out all the stops, even tapping into the foul powers of the Kyuubi, and it still wasn't enough.

'_Grow stronger_,' whispered the dark voice, '_You will then be able to handle more of my powers. You used but a fraction of them, flesh-bag_.'

Naruto closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Great, now the Greater Demon - '_Fallen God' _- could talk to him.

"Excuse me, Shinobi-sama," a female voice interuppted his thoughts.

Naruto opened his eyes and raised his face, looking up from the bench he was seated on. The voice belonged to a very attractive girl around his age. Her hair was red and done up in twin buns, similar to Tenten's hairsyle. Her kimono was obviously finer than anything Naruto had ever owned, even from a distance of ten meters. She had what looked like sealing tags hanging from small earrings.

She also seemed to be struggling slightly with the two bags of groceries in her arms.

"Yeah, d'ya need help with those?" Naruto spoke as he got up from his bench and made his way over, hands extending to take both of her bags.

"Yes, thank you!"

She smiled brightly, and together they managed to transfer one of the bags. Naruto frowned slightly. He closed his eyes again and concentrated. He had done this before, why not see if he could do it again.

A few pops and half a dozen shadow clones appeared. Naruto sighed.

"I only need one of you."

A quick game of Janken and one clone remained. The girl next to him looked slightly impressed.

"What technique is that? It looks like its very advanced!" she asked.

"A reverse engineered A-rank kinjutsu, please don't ask anything else about it," he supplied neutrally as the second bag was handed off to the clone, "It comes in handy a lot, but I'm not really allowed to talk about it."

Old Man Sarutobi had extracted a promise from him to never reveal any of the secrets of the Mass Shadow Clone Technique. It was a kinjutsu. Forbidden, for good reason. Anyone else was likely to kill themselves from the chakra strain.

Something else he could attribute the Kyuubi.

'_No, flesh-bag. That is actually all you, though I suppose I had a small hand in that_,' the being whispered.

"Of course! I understand. You ninja are all so secretive, though, with good reason," the girl said with a small smile, gesturing down the road, towards what Naruto assumed was her place of residence, "And I especially wouldn't want to have knowledge of kinjutsu! It would make my life more complicated, wouldn't it?"

Naruto grunted in affirmation.

"You'd probably be sub- sub- have a memory seal put on you," he finished lamely.

They started making their way down the street, the girl leading the way, slightly infront of Naruto and directly in front of the clone.

"I wouldn't want that."

Naruto nodded, "I don't think anybody would."

The girl gave a small gasp a brought her hand to her mouth before spinning and facing Naruto.

"How rude of me. This one is Mito, Shinobi-sama."

Naruto nodded over the bag of groceries.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! And -sama is a little much for me, I'm just a genin."

Mito nodded back at him, a glint in her eyes.

"Naruto-san then."

"I don't really need any honorifics, Mito-san. I'm just another orphan-"

'_Oh, no. You have a parent still out there, flesh-bag_.'

"- who joined the Ninja Corps. Grew up in the seedy part of town. I'm really nothing special."

Mito's pretty face became marred with a frown. Suddenly, Naruto wished to make sure she never frowned again.

"But if you are capable of not only an A-rank kinjutsu, but reverse engineering it, you must be."

"Naw, just a lot of chakra and some time. My... teammate probably could have done it in a lot less time than me, if he just had the chakra."

Mito nodded and they continued down the road in silence. Slowly but surely they made their way from near the Market District, where Naruto had been seated, to the lower-middle class residential part of Konoha.

Eventually they made it to an apartment building and up to Mito's apartment door. She unlocked it, and stepped inside. She turned around and held the door open for the Narutos.

"Please, come in. The groceries can go on the table in the kitchenette."

Naruto warily made his way into the apartment. Back before he had been a ninja someone had done almost the exact same thing in order to trap him. Luckily, his lone ANBU watcher had intervened before Naruto could be hurt. Unluckily, it had left a poor impression on Naruto, who had always tried to help people when he wasn't pranking them.

A lot of people may have call Naruto a demon, but as he grew up it more like 'demon' as in master trouble maker and less like 'demon' as in the rebirth of the Kyuubi.

He placed the groceries on the table, dispelled his clone, and made his way to leave. He blushed as suddenly he had an errant thought of how Mito's rear looked in a Kimono.

"Well, there you are, Mito-san."

Mito reached out and almost grabbed Naruto, but stopped before actually touching him. Her face expressing some trepidation.

"Would you like some tea, Naruto-san? I'm afraid I don't quite have the Ryo for a D-class mission right now."

Naruto looked very confused for a moment before a bright smile lit up his face. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Its alright, I did it, pro- pro- pro- for free! No need to pay me!"

Curse smart sounding words and phrases!

"Please, Naruto-san. You helped me, and as a citizen of Konoha, I would be remiss if I didn't compensate you somehow!"

XXXXX

Naruto ended up having a single cup of tea with Mito. He declined all of the little goodies she also tried to stuff him with. The tea was clean, Naruto knew, because he had watched her prepare it, but the goodies were all prepared before-hand. He might be immune to poison, but it still took time to clear it out of his system. He didn't want to risk puking, shivering, and simply being sick all afternoon from some new poison he had yet to encounter.

Mito, however, had also managed to extract a promise from Naruto to visit her when he could. She was rather new in town, only having been in Konoha since the Chunin Exams.

'What a terrible thing to happen right when I arrive! An invasion!' she had said.

And she was rather lonely, not having very many acquaintences.

XXXXX

It had become habit for Naruto to visit Mito about once every three days. Occasionally, the few missions he went on altered this schedule slightly. But this last mission to find the bug that would always follow a scent had lasted almost two weeks.

A dirty and tired team of Shino, Hinata, and Naruto made their way through the Gates of Konoha, only stopping to check in at the desk, planning on making their way to the Hokage Tower to report in.

"Naruto-kun! I was so worried!"

Only to be stopped by a red-headed missle named Mito. Who flying-tackled Naruto to the ground, her arms around his neck and her face buried into the crook of his shoulder.

"Mito-san," Naruto said trying to gently pry the babbling girl off, "Mito-san. Mito!"

The girl sat up, straddling his stomach, and wiped away some tears, she had been crying about him?

"Yes?" she hiccuped.

Naruto just gaped like a fish out of water for a moment, before deciding on -

"Your kimono is getting dirty."

Unseen by Naruto, Hinata's Byakugan had flared to life and she was deciding which of the girl's chakra points to shut down. If Hinata had been paying more attention to other things she would have noticed that the girl's coils were strongly developed and tightly twisted, indicitive of a high level of control and more than a decent chakra capacity.

In essence, Hinata missed out on the fact the girl was either a ninja herself or someone who practiced chakra techniques like the Samurai of Iron Country, a Monk of one of the Five Temples, or a fuin-jutsu practitioner.

Shino was too pre-occupied in calming Hinata down to interpret the information his Kikai were giving him on the girl.

Mito giggled.

"Silly boy."

Mito got up and allowed Naruto to stand. After promising the girl that he would visit after reporting in, showering, and changing clothes, the ninja present moved on, while Mito hurried home to prepare food.

XXXXX

Jiraiya, however, noticed. Despite the fact that Jiraiya was waving victory flags every time he saw Naruto with the girl, he really did, being a ninja for close to forty years let him notice things even when distracted. But things had just gotten a little hairy for Jiraiya.

One, the girl had a kunoichi's chakra reserve and control. Explained by the fact that she supported herself through making tags. She was also licensed under just Mito. Claim on not having a family name was that she had been orphaned and raised by an elderly man. Who had also taught her the beginnings of fuin-jutsu.

Two, the girl's apartment was warded by a relatively simple barrier seal. A seal that hid the second far more powerful warding seal-chain. High-level stuff that Jiraiya had only seen a handful of times, but still had no problem ghosting past.

Three, the girl kept a diary that Jiraiya had read and made copies of. In it she detailed seeing Naruto long before they met, and about how adorable and handsome he was. Victory flags. If it was an infiltration, she definitely was very good. She made no mention of knowing Naruto's name before actually meeting the boy.

Four, there were several blood seals around the apartment hiding things inside hidden compartments. A quick trip to the Hyuuga compound and snagging Neji (who was Jiraiya's choice because of his connection to Naurto) to scope it out revealed secrecy seals on whatever was hidden by the blood seals. Which meant whatever was in those compartments was more important to the girl than her diary.

Five, she had called him Naruto-kun. AND! She could get him to eat vegetables and fruits whenever she made him food. It had gotten to the point where Naruto would eat things that she had prepared before hand with no complaints. Jiraiya would have to talk to the boy about possible infiltration canidates and how to deal with them.

That's what made it hariy. Points five and four. Jiraiya's spymaster bones told him the girl was hiding something that could be very, very dangerous, but his Godfather/Sensei bones... Well, Mito was a far cry better than that Sakura girl or the Hyuuga Princess.

Time to make a trip to Tsunade-hime.

XXXXX

Later that night, at around eight, a team of four ANBU ghosted into the girl's apartment. Only to find her waiting by her table sipping on some tea dressed in an evening Yukata, completely non-plussed by their arrival.

"I can only assume that the Hokage wishes to speak with me," she spoke neutrally, "And it will not be a social call."

Bird tilted his head in a birdlike manner, but it was still enough for confirmation.

"Subject: Mito, you are to come with us. Any hostile actions will be responded to with force," Bear said in a monotone.

Mito sighed and put down her tea.

"Allow me a moment to change, your female operative may watch."

The ANBU uniforms didn't really hide gender. In fact many ANBU loved how it made women look.

Cat looked at Bear who nodded. Cat followed Mito into her room, making sure to leave the door partially open but blocking it with her body.

A few minuted later Mito led Cat out of her bedroom, dressed in a plain Kimono. The ANBU watchers who had been keeping tabs on Mito had noted that she only wore her nicer ones when she expected Naruto, and that she had been flustered the few times he had managed to catch her in her simpler ones.

If she was an infiltrator, she was damned good. Her reactions generally seemed very, very genuine.

The only reason why the ANBU weren't surprised by her not being surprised was because they had been forwarned about the several layers of barrier seals around her apartment.

They made their way to the nicer ANBU detention cells via an unnamed space-time ninjutsu.

XXXXX

An hour later, Mito had been escorted to an interigation room. The room was simple enough: table, two chairs, large mirror on one side, and a pitcher of water with glasses on the table. She sat in the chair facing the door.

A moment later Senju Tsunade herself walked into the door. Mito rose and bowed to the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama."

Tsunade frowned, "Seat yourself."

What followed was a staring contest. Tsunade had a severe look on her face as her eyes bored into Mito's. Mito sported a neutral expression.

"Naruto," Tsunade spoke.

No hesitation, no lag, no micro-sneers or other body language give aways happened before the girl's body perked up in happiness and a smile broke out on her face.

"Is my best friend!" Mito finished for her brightly, "I would be terribly lonely with out him, and I miss him terribly whenever he's gone away!"

The girl continued to babble about how she felt about Naruto, commenting occasionally on some of his less than admirable traits and how she was working on smoothing those kinks out. Then Tsunade cut her off.

"Then you'll be 'terribly-'"

Mito said terribly alot.

"- upset to find that he will be leaving shortly on a very long training trip."

Mito's smile began to falter and twitch into a frown.

"He didn't tell me that," she whispered.

"He isn't allowed to. Not to some random civillian."

Tsunade leaned forward, her impressive cleavage resting on the table.

"You know, you look like my oba-sama. You even have the same name. Who are you really, 'Mito?'"

Mito screwed her face up in indignation.

"I have always been Mito of the Uzum...aki Clan..." Mito trailed off, realizing that she had just given away a good portion of her game.

Tsunade arched an eyebrow.

"Naruto is the last Uzumaki."

Mito blew up.

"He isn't! We all just hide because of the Uzu Massacre! And because the Senju betrayed us! How can we trust even you!? Konoha didn't even warn us! We had been out of the major shinobi game! How does the 'most powerful' ninja village not notice an army of the four other villages and seven jinchuriki?"

Tsunade raised one finger and just tapped the table between them. It split down the middle and water went everywhere. The staring contest resumed. From his place in the observation room Ibiki swore he could see sparks flying.

"I suggest you watch your tone, girl. That is my family, on both ends of that, that you speak of. My oba-sama was an Uzumaki. And no Senju descendents of my oji-sama or my otooji-sama would dare betray Uzu."

Mito scoffed but remained silent.

"So, you heard rumors of an Uzumaki in Konoha. A _male_ Uzumaki. And you came to seduce him and restore your clan?"

Mito fidgeted with her fingers and looked down breaking off her heated glare.

"No," she replied in a small voice, "I wanted to reconnect with someone strong enough to bear the weight of the clan. Maybe I could get put on the register. And then I met him."

Mito looked up at Tsunade briefly before looking away again with a bright blush.

"But I wouldn't mind restoring the clan with him," she all but whispered.

As Tsunade was about to speak again, a knock came on the glass.

"Stay here. ANBU will replace the table."

"Of course."

XXXXX

"What?" Tsunade asked her head interegator heatedly.

"She's telling the truth."

Tsunade just rubbed her temples.

"I know, and that's what upsets me. Its bad enough my apprentice won't pull her head out of her ass when it comes to Naruto-kun, but for Mito to _actually_ be an Uzumaki? There's almost no way I expect Naruto to not get with her."

Tsunade turned to the one way mirror.

"She looks so much like Oba-sama."

Mito was standing in the far corner of the room as the ANBU brought in a new table, along with new refreshments.

Tsunade frowned.

"Ibiki, entertain her while I go get something from my old house."

XXXXX

While Ibiki was a very scary person, he was also very skilled at making himself come off as an affable and likable man, depsite being scary. He led the conversation and was whittling all sorts of tidbits out of her, trying to find some sort of inconsitentsy in her story.

The most surprising thing that she had told him was that she had been five when she woke one day and remembered nothing. A note pinned to her clothing had said something along the lines of:

'I am very sorry, but you cannot remember. You are Uzumaki Mito and have always been, today, you will be five. Around you are all sorts of clan scrolls. Whatever you do with them, I beg of you, do not destroy them.

Again, I am so sorry, but you cannot and will not remember.'

The note had been signed with an Uzumaki swirl.

"And those are the things I have hidden in my apartment. Clan scrolls."

Unsurprisingly, she had heared about Naruto in Wave Country where they had named a bridge after him and he was considered a national hero.

Almost another hour had passed and Mito started yawning occasionally, when Tsunade came back into the room holding a small scroll. The scroll's ends proudly bore the Uzumaki swirl.

Tsunade walked around the table to Mito and held out her hand.

"Give me your hand."

Mito slowly raised her hand,only for Tsunade to snatch it up.

"Ouch!"

Tsunade had cut one of Mito's fingers and before she could do anything swiped it along the opening of the scroll. As Mito jerked her hand back to herself and sucked on her now bleeding finger, the scroll opened.

Tsunade just stared at the open scroll. It had been keyed to Naruto specifically by Sarutobi-sensei, and in general to anyone who was closely related enough to be a member of his clan.

She pulled open Mito's Kimono and shoved the scroll down the front, in between Mito's breasts.

"Excuse me!" Mito gasped out in embarassment and anger. Tsunade closed the Kimono over the scroll and then lifted Mito up by her collar.

"I consider Naruto to be my flesh and blood. He is _very _important to me. If you hurt him, or _anything_, I will _end_ you. _Personally_."

Tsunade dropped Mito back in her chair and dismissed Ibiki.

Mito, for her part, was suitably scared.

Tsunade sat opposite Mito and her whole demeanor changed from scary, protective mother bear to gossipy, embarassing mother. Well, grandmother.

"Now, tell me everything about you and Naruto!" she giggled.

XXXXX

Mito was very tired and on her way home. It was near one in the morning. But her blush would not diminish.

'You want to catch his attention and make sure he knows that you're interested? Take that scroll I gave you, and have him retreive it from where I put it,' Tsunade had said with a wink.

The scroll was decently sized. Perhaps only a hand and a half to about two hands long and maybe and inch and a half in diameter. And after what Tsunade had said Mito couldn't help but think, as it rode up and down the valley of her breasts as she walked, of replacing it with something of Naruto's as a condition of giving him the scroll.

Or maybe she could convince him that the seal that held it there was keyed into a bodily fluid of his that was white-ish.

Mito clapped her hands to her hot cheeks and shook her head. It would not do to think of such things at this point in their relationship. Afterall Naruto still referred to her as 'Mito-san' and not 'Mito-chan.' And there could still be a ways to go even after he started referring to her more intimately.

XXXXX

A/N: So, I'm on a Mito kick at the moment, and this little blurb is actually a compliation of ideas that have been banging around in my head. I tried to hint at some of them.

**One**: Naruto is really Tsunade's grandson. She's not sure, but she's pretty confident that he is. Jiraiya is also his grandfather. Namikaze Minato is their child. Jiraiya also happends to be Tobirama's great-grandson. The Nidaime Hokage had a few illegetimate children, and only claimed one, in so far as saying 'Yes, I fathered you, but since I didn't raise you, you are not my child.' That man became Umino something, making Iruka and Jiraiya related. So a little bit of Senju inbreeding.

After Dan died Tsunade got really wasted one night with Jiraiya, drugged him, had her way with him specifically to get preggers. When she woke up the next day, she was more than a little horrified at what she had done, henge'd into some random bimbo before he woke up, and booked it. About a month later is when she left Konoha for good. She couldn't really hide it from Shizune and swore her to secrecy. A secret Shizune will gladly take to the grave. A flash back to that would show it to be highly emotional with lots of crying and guilt.

When she gave birth to Minato, she shipped him off to Konoha with none really the wiser, though Sarutobi will suspect. Yay, for more flashbacks and writings from previous Hokages. Minato ended up with the Namikaze (Another family descended from the Nidaime though that bastard kid legitmized himself and took the name Namikaze. Minato would be a 'great-grandchild' even though he's really a great-great grandchild) family as a baby, they adopted him.

Lots of hints about that through out the story.

**Two**: Kyuubi considers himself/herself/itself to be Naruto's third parent. Kurama could influence Kushina's body enough that 5-10% of Naruto's DNA is decidely supernatural. Kurama did the same thing to all of Mito's children, but Harashima's Mokuton DNA and the 'Demonic' DNA constantly fought until it stabilized in Tsunade (and Nawaki, but he died before he could be awesome) and made her a cut above the rest. Mito's seal let Kurama figure out how and where he went wrong because that seal was loose enough he could sense things in contact with her body.

The Uzumaki trait of fast healing was supercharged into an Oni Jutsu. And as Naruto gets older his chakra becomes denser (coming closer to Youki/Divine Chakras) and his capacity becomes larger, forcing his coils to warp into not-space (Chakra coils warp into not-space in such a manner that only the keenest of Byakugan's would be able to tell and only after intense study. This Chakra Not-Space eventually manifests itself in a cloak that makes an indiviual seem greater) in order to not kill him. Naruto essentially would be an immortal by his twenty-fifth birthday and a demi-god/demon by his fiftieth.

Naruto's heightened senses are also a part of that DNA and not from the Kyuubi being housed inside of him. The Kyuubi being housed gives Naruto and even faster chakra regeneration rate, a sentience to guide his physical regeneration, the demon cloaks, a well of information, and eventually a plethora of demon tricks, all very closely related to Youko (Like fox-fire and super genjutsu) and Greater Demons/Fallen Gods (Like making super-genjutsu become real, cursing/blessing people) in general.

**Three**: Like in 'Children of the Spiral' (go read) Mito used a fountain of youth technique, but unlike 'Children' she doesn't remember, though she gets major deja vu a lot. Her fuin skills come quickly enough that it would seem like she was a genius, instead of psuedo-remembering (Though she is -very- smart.) Eventually, she'll find out the truth from reading one of the scrolls her older self left her.

**Four**: Susa'wanoo is the patron God of the Uzumaki, a reoccuring theme in a lot of my stories. He and Kyuubi get along somewhat, because they respect each others powers. Ameteratsu and Tsukiyomi are both 'female,' just like Susa'wanoo is 'male.' Before these 'human' gods came along the nine Bijuu were the animal gods of the world, representing eight of its facets, the Hachimata no Orochi being a compliation. The first eight Bijuu were outsed pretty easily, but among the Kyuubi's titles is Devourer as he fought back tooth and nail, and ate more than a few lesser deities.

So Ameteratsu offered the Kyuubi the power of being the Great Seal of Fire (Which would give Kurama control of all fire, including the Uchiha technique of Ameteratsu and the Nibi's hellfire, but not her ghost 'fire' which belongs to the realm of Death), which would further increase his power, in return for the Kyuubi for being forever bound to the Impure World. Kurama agrees.

Fast forward and the nine Bijuu coalesce into the Juubi and are broken apart again by the Rikudo Sennin, starting the Age of Wonders, wherein the powers once gifted to mortals in the Age of Prowess start cropping up again. That's the origin of ninja. They were once Nephilim, became regular, Juubi pops up, become Nephilim again.

Back to Susa'wanoo. He fathers the Uzumaki line in the Age of Wonders like Ameteratsu begets the Hyuuga (and gifts them with her mirror in their eye) and Tsukiyomi begets the Uchiha (The Hyuuga and Uchiha are supposed to be the best of friends like their 'mothers').

Unlike the latter two, the Uzumaki were gifted with the potential to ascend, so they get fast healing and large, dense chakra that acts weird in some individuals as the clan moves towards ascending (Like Kushina's chains). This essentially culminates in Naruto who gets a boost from Kurama dicking with his DNA, and Minato's seal. Mito also kinda cheats here, by usuing the fountain of youth thing, she actually has about Naruto's chakra capacity, but enough has warped into not-space so that no one is really the wiser. This means Mito also has a really good chance of ascending.

**Five**: Being a Greater Being, Kurama's youki (which is far denser and operates on many wavelength's) resonates with Mito's chakra, Kuchina's chakra, and Naruto's chakra, since he spent so much time in their bodies. Which is the biggest reason for Mito's naughty attraction to Naruto. She would just be friendly otherwise. A good friend. Because Mito really does like Naruto. But normally Mito is essentially a princess (You don't marry off just any girl to the head of the Senju) and would never marry a rough and uncouth person like Naruto. If I were to write this out, I'd make those parts of his language and actions stand out more.

Kurama is not inherently evil or malicious. He/she/it seems that way because he is several magnitudes greater than most humans. We're ants, he's a human, kinda thing. He is just so much more, most humans instinctively fear him.

**Six**: The 'human' Gods can't intefere on the mortal plane as part of the deal brokered with Makai. Naruto's world is pretty much off limits. However, Greater Demons, Greater Beings, and Gods constantly use puppets and lesser beings to do their bidding anyways. So Naruto gets to fight lots of spirits, demons, devils, angels, and fairies. Battle Spirits, like the Toads, are considered to be a part of Naruto's world becuase they come from the realm that represents 'Nature.'


	4. Chapter 4: Bother? JirXTsu

Jiraiya X Tsunade - What if?

Bother?

Instert title?

Jiraiya held the 'speeding ticket' in his hand. Really it was an invitation to the ANBU. The most elite members of Konoha, short of the Hokage or the Elite Jonin. Orochimaru had been named an Elite just this past month, Tsunade this one. It was quite the blow to Jiraiya.

Last to make Chunin and last to make Jonin, and it looked like last or never to be Elite.

Still, being ANBU was very prestigious. And yet...

If Jiraiya couldn't confess to Tsunade, not the casual confessions, but a real attempt... If he didn't have the balls to do that? Then he wasn't cut out for ANBU.

He went to his favourite non-pervy spot, the top of the Niidaime's head, to think.

XXXXX

Sarutobi had just been informed that the ANBU commander had given him the finger.

ANBU had been looking to tap Jiraiya for years now, even going so far as to sabotage his exams and slow his promotion. The paperwork for Jiraiya's ascension to Elite Jonin had been 'lost' no less than five times. The ANBU were trying to herd Jiraiya into accepting an invitation.

An invitation Sarutobi had explicitly forbade them from giving his student. Jiraiya was too high profile.

The ANBU commander had actually snickered and proceeded to show Sarutobi that while Tsunade and Orochimaru were prominent in all countries Bingo books, the most Jiraiya was mentioned was in Kusa's Bingo book as a pervert and for Kunoichi to be on the look out for a large, white-haired man. No name was actually listed.

And unlike Orochimaru's parents, who had been known shinobi, Jiraiya's parents were low ranking administrative nin. He was already a ghost in the machine.

Sarutobi still forbade the ANBU.

And the ANBU still extended the invitation.

Alas, there was nothing Sarutobi could do now that wouldn't ruin his already strained relationship with his student.

XXXXX

Jiraiya sighed. No turning back now. He had to confess.

The messenger toad had been sent, asking his female teammate to meet him here.

The picnic had been laid out. His Oba-chan had been delighted to help out. As a Madame of one of Konoha's most popular brothels she didn't get a lot of chances to be a grandmother. All the nee-chan and oka-san had also helped out, happy to see their little brother/son trying to settle down with a nice girl.

The timing should be right, the sun would set about ten minutes after she got there.

And Jiraiya was incredibly nervous.

XXXXX

"Yo, Tsu-hime."

Tsunade turned sharply to the voice, ready to lay the offender out, only to stop when it was just a messenger toad.

"What," she ground out, Jiraiya had better have a good reason to disturb her on her day off. The hospital had been packed recently, and she had been incredibly busy.

The toad reached into his (cute) messenger bag and held out a small scroll.

"No encryption, and Aniki already paid for it."

Tsunade warily took the scroll and the toad poofed away, back to the Holy Mount Myoboku.

Asking her to show up at that spot? What was the pervert thinking?

It was where her grandfather had re-proposed to her grandmother for a second wedding, shortly before his death. Her grandad had always been a hopeless romantic.

XXXXX

"Oi, Pervert, whaddya want?" Tsunade yelled as she entered the small clearing. Her teammate was standing in the middle of the clearing with his back facing her, a small picnic set up under the sakura tree near the pond.

Jiraiya took a deep, calming breath and made to turn around. What he saw wasn't a curious Tsunade but a rather angry one.

"Did you call me all the way out here to try and get me to eat with you? You drugged it didn't you, is that the only way you can get some? Are you that desperate that you are going to try to drug your _medic_ teammate, just so you can finally loose your virginity? Don't make me laugh, Pervert."

Jiraiya stared blankly at Tsunade for a second before an embarrassed smile broke out on his face and a hand went to the back of his head.

"Awww, Tsu-hime, you caught me."

His hands flashed through nin-jutsu signs and he slammed his hands against the ground, the picnic disappearing into a tightly controlled swamp of the underworld.

"Well, I guess I gotta go then. Sorry for bothering you. It won't happen again."

Before Tsunade could retort her teammate had disappeared using all of his skills in stealth, rendering him virtually untrackable.

XXXXX

Tsunade stretched, her bosom sticking into the air in a wondrous manner, her shift over. It had been three weeks and she had seen niether hide nor hair of her kabuki themed teammate.

'I'd better let him know I'm not angry at him anymore, then we can go drinking!' she smirked evilly, 'he'll pay for it all, bwahahaha!'

But Jiraiya hadn't been at the bathhouse. The girls in the red-light district had been hostile. And even Sarutobi-sensei had been unable to tell her where her teammate was. She would go to his home, but she had never bothered to find out where he lived in the first place.

Frowning, Tsunade made her way to Orochimaru's lab.

XXXXX

"I apologize, Tsunade-chan, I was not aware it was my turn to keep watch on the Dead-last," Orochimaru spoke in his typical sylibant way. Hissing slightly, "I would help you ascertain his location, but I am in the midst of a very delicate stage of experimentation. You understand, of course."

The lab door was promptly shut in her face.

XXXXX

It would be another six weeks, before Tsunade heard anything about Jiraiya. Two civilian girls were gossiping in a corner of the bar Tsunade had been visiting that night.

"He's just so handsome and debonair! And so very experienced!" the first girl swooned.

"To think that you are dating Jiraiya-sama! You lucky bitch!" the second giggled.

The sake bottle in Tsunade's hand shattered.

XXXXX

The week after that, Tsunade caught sight of Jiraiya's white mane headed into the pleasure district of Konoha.

"Jiraiya!" she called out chasing after his tall frame.

He didn't turn around, still headed to the red-light district, the evening crowd making it hard for her to catch up to him.

"Jiraiya!"

She looked up to the roof tops and jumped. She spun on her heel after making the leap successfully. She scanned the crowd for her wayward teammate, only to find out that she had completely lost track of him.

XXXXX

Tsunade reflected. It wasn't the best idea to charge into her sensei's office and destroy his desk, demanding to know where Jiraiya was. Sarutobi had given her that disappointed look before her field of vision was blocked by a very large and broad male chest before she blacked out.

It took one hell of a ninja to get the drop on her.

Now, she was in an ANBU holding cell, bound by ofuda and hair. She snorted. The ANBU went a little overboard, didn't they? She raged alot, cut her some slack, yeah?

The door opened and the head of Torture and Interrogation, some hot-shot Yamanaka, walked in guarded by two cloaked ANBU. One was short, likely female, and wore a generic Cat mask. The second was huge, and obviously male even in the cloak. He wore, of all things, a toad mask.

"Tsunade-hime, I will release you. Should you try anything untoward, Gama and Cat will restain you."

Only one asshole in the world would insist on wearing a toad mask and being called Gama.

"Jiraiya? Is that you? Where have you been?"

She began to struggle out of her bonds rocking her chair back and forth. The Yamanaka frowned deeply.

"Tsunade-hime, I ask that you cease-"

"Jiraiya! You damn idiot! Where have you been!? When I get my hands on you!"

Tsunade never saw the hand signal, her whole attention locked on to the eyes of Gama. Trying to see his eyes. To find out if it really was the man she had been looking for, for almost three months.

Suddenly, she knew darkness again.

XXXXX

This time she woke up in her own bed. Fully clothed and on top of the covers. She wasn't bound but there was a weight on her chest.

A toad stared down at her, a frown evident on its (his?) old (it was bearded!) face.

"Jiraiya-chan stopped bothering you. Return the favour."

And the toad poofed out of existence, and Tsunade curled up into a ball and for the first time since Nawaki died, cried.

XXXXX

Pa poofed back into existence in his home on Myobokuzan. The elder toad sighed and removed his cloak. Ma called out from the kitchen.

"Did you give that horrible Tsunade girl what for, Pa?"

Fukasaku entered the kitchen and sighed again.

"She seems like a nice girl, Ma, if she wasn't disrupting Jiraiya's training..."

Shima slammed her ladle down on the small table Fukasaku sat down at.

"She played with Jiraiya-chan's heart! She is the worst kind of girl! Jiraiya-chan is much better off without her!"

Fukasaku frowned as his wife went back to 'cooking.'

"I'm not so sure, Ma, I'm not so sure."

XXXXX

Jiraiya who?

Tsunade sighed girlishly. Dan was the man. Everything she could ever want in one.

But here she sat drinking alone again in the bar, sighing and drooling over a man when she heard something that spoiled her night.

"Look! He proposed!"

It was that girl from a few months ago.

"I never thought I'd ever hear about the great pervert Jiraiya-sama settling down!"

The same friend, who giggled in the exact same way while gushing over the ring the first girl sported.

"Oh, it comes in handy in the bedroom..."

Tsunade didn't even notice when she shattered yet another sake bottle. When she did notice, Tsunade decided it was time to frequent a different bar.

XXXXX

A month later Tsunade found Jiraiya. He was sitting at a ramen stand, a few empty bowls and a few empty sake bottles sitting next to him as he teetered on the stool. Despite how his body language screamed depressed, Tsunade could not help the happiness that welled up in her chest as she sat down next to her teammate.

"Hey, haven't seen you in forever! What've you been up to?" she chirped.

Jiraiya turned a bleary eye to her.

"Hitomi-chan... killed," he hiccupped, "She wuz jus' goin ta Tanzaku to tell her parents..."

He turned back to his sake and ramen, spinning the noodles lazily in the bowl. Tsunade was unsure of what to say when he snapped his head back to her. He fell off the stool, landed on his butt and pointed at her.

"Tsu-tsu-tsunade!"

He struggled to get up and get away from her. Tsunade felt a crushing pain in her chest. Not only was he so drunk a genin could probably kill him, which really let her know how bad he felt; he was trying to get away from her. She felt like crying again.

Tsunade threw down more than enough Ryo to cover Jiraiya's bill and followed after her incredibly inebriated teammate, who was currently stumbling down the road occasionally steadying himself against something. He was muttering something.

"Don' boferer, don' bofer! Stoopid Jiraiya-chan. Don' bofer!"

Despite the urge to run back home and cry like a schoolgirl, Tsunade snagged on of Jiraiya's arms and ran it down the valley of her breasts and slung her other arm around his shoulder.

"C'mon, let's get you home."

Jiraiya tried to tug his arm away as he looked at her with a horrified look on his face. But to no avail. And Tsunade answered his horrified look with a sweet smile and his attempt at freeing himself with a tightening of her hands around his hand and shoulder.

Jiraiya slumped with defeat, but even as they walked forward pulled himself as far away from Tsunade as he could.

"Um, where do you live again?"

Jiraiya opened his mouth and began to raise his arm towards (the pleasure disctrict? Really?) home. But before he could confirm her thoughts he was interuppted.

"Oh, Jiraiya-kun! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

A kimono-clad, and very striking woman appeared on the street corner and made her way towards them.

"I heard what happened to your Hitomi-chan," the woman said as she quickly separated Tsunade from Jiraiya despite Tsunade's protests, "Come now, lets get you to a bed, and tomorrow, you can visit her parents."

"Hai, Oba-chan," Jiraiya mumbled sleepily.

The woman started leading away Jiraiya and looked over her shoulder. The glare the older woman gave Tsunade definitely did not match her voice.

"Thank you, Tsunade-hime, but I can handle my grandson from here on out."

'Stay away from him!' went unsaid.

Tsunade just nodded and stared after them. A few minutes after they had vacated the street, Tsunade spoke what was on her mind.

"That's his grandmother?!"

XXXXX

Her relationship with Dan was picking up. It was... Heated, in the best ways, Tsunade thought. She had just given him her grandfather's necklace as a sign of her belief in him. And they had been assigned to the same operation! It was like a dream!

XXXXX

Tsunade woke up, bleary eyed. She had been out drinking last night. Like every night since Dan had died. Oh, Dan!

As she got up and began to prepare for another day alive, without Dan, she noticed a plushy on her dining room table. A toad plushy. It had a note attached.

'I'm sorry for your loss.'

It was signed Jiraiya.

Tsunade left Konoha with Shizune in tow that day.

XXXXX

Honestly, seeing Jiraiya was like having thousands of pounds removed from around her shoulders. She hadn't seen him in over a decade. But seeing and subsequently fighting Naruto brought all that weight back.

Nawaki...

Tsunade shook the cobwebs from her head as she made her way to the meeting with Orochimaru.

XXXXX

So, here she was, the Fifth Hokage. It was just her and Jiraiya in the office, she had long since dismissed her ANBU. Who in their right mind would even attempt to attack her _and_ Jiraiya?

They had comfortably caught up, laughing and drinking late into the night.

Tsunade suddenly stood with a giggle, her breasts bouncing, much to Jiraiya's delight. She came around the desk, shedding her coat and straddling his lap. Jiraiya was about to have a heart attack and/or bolt out through the window after a substitution.

"And my first order to _you_ as your Hokage," Tsunade pulled open her shirt, leaning against him and putting a hand on Jiraiya's chest in between them and another in his hair, "Make love to me."

She captured his lips in a passionate (and slightly drunk) kiss. Jiraiya, however, did not respond. She frowned in her kiss and tried a few more kisses and some hip gyration. Still no response. A quick flex of chakra told her that it really was Jiraiya.

Tsunade leaned back, still frowning.

"What's the matter?"

Jiraiya looked away.

"Years ago, I tried to tell you how much I love you-"

"You can now!" she pleaded.

"And you told me I needed to drug you or any girl to get laid before I could get a word out."

Tsunade had no response to that. Jiraiya pushed her off gently and stood, walking over to the window. Tsunade covered herself as Jiraiya opened the window.

"We could have been something, before Dan, before... Hitomi. But I... I can't. Not anymore. I don't want to bother you."

He hopped out the window and disappeared, leaving a silently crying Tsunade.

That was also the first time ANBU had to replace Tsunade's desk. (They had replaced desks before_ because_ of her)

She hurled it out the window Jiraiya left through with a scream of rage.

"YOU IDIOT!"

She sat in the chair he had just vacated and put her head in her hands.

"I want you to bother me," she whispered.

XXXXX

A/N: Purging more ideas from my brain.


	5. Chapter 5: Gaara and Naruto goto Marvel

Madara had won! He was fidgeting gleefully, unable to contain his pleasure. The Kyuubi brat was writhing on the ground below, the demon being extracted ever so slowly. With just himself this ritual was going to take possible a month.

But to a dead man with immortality, what was a month?

Naruto and the Shinobi Alliance had managed to kill and decimate almost all of his own forces, but at great cost to themselves. It was when they had taken a reprieve from the constant fighting that Madara struck and kidnapped his prey.

Suddenly, the Impure Summon found himself bound in sand and his concentration broken.

"Die!" Gaara hissed, angrier than he had ever been. This monster had tried to take his truest brother!

The Kazekage pumped chakra into his sand and it filled all of the summon's orifices, packing him to the brim. He might be able to regenerate any wound, but if the sand just stayed there, what could he do?

'No!' Madara screamed in his head attempting to summon Susa'wanoo, Ameteratsu, or even the Rin'engan but the sand constantly grinding in his eye sockets saw to that.

That's when the Demon Statue exploded in a howl of the Kyuubi's rage and contempt.

XXXXX

Everything was so very white and soft, Naruto thought. Before it had been agony and a red dark. Kurama had been leaving, and Naruto fought so hard to keep his newest and biggest friend safe, but nothing Naruto had done helped.

'Gaki.'

"Kurama?"

'We're safe now, Gaki. Relax and heal, it will take some time to get to our destination. Perhaps you should keep our guests occupied.'

Naruto blinked blearily, looking around.

"Guests?"

'Shukaku and his vessel are here with us. When the statue exploded, Shukaku repossessed the flesh-bag. Where ever we end up, the First and the Ninth will bring the rest.'

"Gaara?"

The red-head tried to hear the voice in Shukaku's ramblings of 'Sorry!' and 'I love you!'

Shukaku's first vessel had been a desert hermit and quite mad by the time Shukaku had been extracted from him, subsequently damning all of following vessels to madness, but the Demon Statue had purged the Tanuki's own madness. Resetting him(her? Gaara hoped from the sound of those 'I love you's) after a fashion.

"Naruto?"

And the two brothers found each other in the bright abyss.

XXXXX

Neither had any idea how much time had passed, but both had recovered from their injuries, mental, physical, spiritual.

"Fuck, I'm bored."

It had only really been about ten minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. At least to Naruto.

Gaara grunted in response. He was still talking his demon down. At least Gaara had established the 'I love you's were not romantic, but the spirit of his mother occasionally bleeding into Shukaku, who could communicate with Gaara. Which Gaara surmised was the basis of referring to Shukaku as 'Mother' for so long, he knew deep down that one of the voices talking to him was his mother.

Then there was a pop and the two boys looked 'down.' And fell towards the hole that had opened in this plane.

"OHFUCKINGSHIT!"

XXXXX

"LAND, SWEET, GLORIOUS LAND!"

Naruto was currently on all fours and kissing the ground.

They had fallen out of the hole and appeared in this new world approximately seven thousand feet in the air. Luckily, Gaara had managed to summon enough sand to support the two of them about five hundred feet off the ground.

Gaara on the other hand was staring at the giant pink person shaped thing that was pointing a glowing something at him and speaking to them both in a foreign tongue.

"I do not understand you."

More gibberish.

"I do not understand you."

Even more gibberish.

Gaara sighed and resisted the urge to facepalm. He walked over to Naruto and stood him up. The pink thing was now louder and sounded far angrier. Naruto on the other hand just smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.

"Who're you?"

The pink thing stopped shouting and turned slightly, acknowledging the arrival of two more giant pink things.

A female voice speaking the same gibberish started shouting from behind Gaara and Naruto. The two shinobi turned to spy a rather beautiful woman, a girl with werid gloves and blue hair, and two men behind her hurrying across the field from a building Gaara had paid no mind to when they landed. The giant pink thing was a bit more worrying.

"Hey, you guys!" the girl with gloves and blue hair apparently spoke a language that made sense, though it was accented strangely, "What do you think you're doing dropping in like that?"

Naruto just bounded forward happily. Not being bored and the releif of land apparently made for a giddy Uzumaki.

"Hiya! I'm Uzumaki Naruto and the stoic guy is Subaku no Gaara. Who're you?"

The girl looked so confused at his response. The woman was shooing away the giant pink things and the two men just frowned at the two boys.

"Noriko... Anyways, why would you drop in like that?! You almost caused the one-ninety-eight to go nuclear a-"

"Noriko," the shorter man, who looked much gruffer and angrier than the taller one, "Let's just get them inside and fix this."

Gaara just shrugged and started walking towards the building, forming a gourd as he went, the familiar comfort of its weight and a stash of super inundated chakra sand might come in handy. Naruto just bounded along chatting at Noriko, telling her about all the things that had happened in the last six months and how glad he was to be on land again.

Noriko just looked on in disbelief and the shorter man just snorted at Naruto's antics.

XXXXX

"She is a mind walker?" Gaara asked the man, now introduced as Logan.

"I guess you could call it mind walking."

Gaara shook his head and Naruto looked distinctly uneasy.

"No, she would die."

Logan snorted.

"Frosty is the best telepath we have, with lots of experie-"

"Can she defend herself from my own subconscious defense, my mother's over protective spirit, and the least of the Bijuu? Because that is what rests in my mind. Naruto's on the other hand might be worse."

"Hey!"

Gaara turned to him and raised an eyebrow. Naruto opened his mouth to retort, before thinking on it for a moment.

"Yeah... I think it would be a really bad idea, she might turn into a toad statue at best."

"Perhaps I could be of some assistance then."

Everyone, including the shinobi and Logan jumped a bit when the voice of Doctor Strange entered the conversation.

XXXXX

Naruto looked fine, but Gaara felt like his head had been beaten in by Deidara's explosions again. Naruto at least looked sympathetic.

"It's the Shadow Clones. I'm used to it."

"Now that we can all understand each other, let us discuss the situation these boys are in."

Doc Strange was a really nice guy, Naruto decided.

"They come from an alternate dimension and are mutated by the presence of Greater Demons they hold."

Naruto took that back, the guy was an asshole and dropped bombs.

'Gaki, let me speak for a moment...'

'You sure? You're not going to ruin this for us are you?'

'Oh, no. I won't.'

Naruto's eyes bled red.

"Greater Demon?" Kurama barked a laugh, "You know nothing, Sorcerer Supreme, of what the Bijuu are."

Doc Strange's eyes widened slightly.

"Stop possessing the-"

The killing intent leveled everyone in the room, except Gaara and Logan. But it wasn't Kurama's. One of Naruto's eyes was the clear blue it usually was.

"Kurama doesn't possess shit, old man. And you know nothing of us," Naruto said his voice beginning to alternate with Kurama's.

"Naruto has earned my respect-"

"Kurama is my friend!"

Their voices joined together.

"This is our body, our mind, and our soul. Do not contemplate things you cannot understand."

Silence reigned before Gaara snickered. Naruto spun and pointed, mouth agape.

"You laughed! YOU NEVER LAUGH DATTEBAYO!"

"I did not laugh, "Gaara countered, "Afterall, I never laugh."

Naruto just blew him a raspberry.

The tension in the room dropped significantly.

"Never the less, the boys are mutated by the presence of the... Bijuu they contain. And from what I can glean, their world share a basic mutation, it would be best for them to stay here."

And with that the Sorcerer Supreme disappeared without a sound.

Emma Frost looked at the two boys. A basic mutation? Hank is going to have a field day. And it looked like in the aftermath of M-Day, the Academy just gained two possibly very powerful mutants.

Gaara was now holding Naruto upside down with a clod of sand, and the latter was struggling valiantly to escape.

Not that you would ever know it from just looking at them.

Emma resisted the urge to facepalm.

Naruto was now looking at his exposed belly and asked it a question aloud.

"Hey Kurama, how'd you know he was the Sorcerer Supreme? ... Whaddya mean selective omniscience? ... You mean you just know things?! How unfair is that?!"

No, you would never know it just by looking at them.

XXXXX

Cessily was enjoying a nice long soak in the bath. Sure, she didn't really need it, but wrapping her hair in a towel and taking a bubble bath was a great way to relax anyways. So what if most of the bubbles were gone? The soft music was still playing and her book was getting good.

And then there was a splash and Cessily wasn't so alone anymore. She lifted he book just in time to save it from getting knocked out of her hands by a whisker faced, blonde head spluttering as it came out of the water.

Their eyes locked. Before Naruto could fully process the situtation he was in, his mouth opened.

"Holy shit, you're gorgeous!"

Cessily's face burned a bright red, and her brain was derailed from the building 'kyaaaaaa!'

The boy-man popped out of the water soaking wet, and he looked away realizing now the situation he had teleport into.

"Never use the Hiraishin with out a tag..."

His eyes flickered to Cessily.

"I was never here, okay, pretty silver lady?"

And just as soon as he appeared he was gone. That was when the train re-railed itself and Cessily let out a 'kyaa' to end all 'kyaa's while she scrambled for a towel.

About three seconds later a red-haired boy came into the bath with a burst of sand. He quickly ascertained that his prey was not there and left in another burst.

Cessily topped her previous 'kyaa.' At least before the other boy had only seen her face (she was pretty sure his face had been her crotch for a micro second) this one had gotten a full frontal showing.

Later that night, she would fume about the lack of reaction from the second boy, and sigh dreamily about the first. But for right now? She decided it would be better to be an amorphous mass of mercury as she made her way out of the bath and to her closet and bed.

XXXXX

Emma could feel the headache building somewhere right behind her eyes.

"Here."

Scott was always so prepared, she thought as she accepted the water and aspirin, except for that one time with the cat-girl costume.

She smirked and thanked him.

The boys (men, Logan called them. Something about seeing and fighting in war, he had said ) had given them a quick run down of their previous lives and recent major events.

Emma noticed they had both glossed over most of their childhood before they had met each other. There were some bad memories there for the both of them. Both of them had been adamant about being treated as adults. Naruto, much to his shame, was still a genin, but that meant he was still an adult in the eyes of his culture. He had taken lives, and saved countries.

Gaara, on the other hand, had been the Wind Shadow (Kazekage, Gaara had said. Logan had translated for her.) The most powerful shinobi (she almost snickered at the thought of these two boys being ninja of all things) of his Village and its leader.

Her snickering was what led to the current predicament.

Naruto had chuckled. And then punched Gaara in the back of his head and screamed 'tag' before vanishing. Gaara had grunted in anger before disappearing as well.

Before she could react Logan spoke, a little bit of respect creeping into his tone.

"Its like they were never here... Even their smell is gone. Only the best in the Hand can do such a thing."

But the resulting game of tag had caused disruptions all across the facility. Emma was sure that no less than seven girls had screamed something about perverts, and nine boys were hiding their... reactions to Naruko.

Perhaps a dozen more found their beds to suddenly be filled with sand and blame Sooraya loudly.

Which lead to now. Emma broadcasting, or attempting to, to the new additions to the household that she believed them.

After about the seventeenth attempt, Gaara returned witha trussed up Naruto.

"He has a thing about authority figures."

"A thing?" Logan asked.

Gaara nodded gravely, while Naruto glared at him through his sand gag.

Logan chuckled.

"My kind of kid."

XXXXX

It was decided that Naruto and Gaara would room together, and they were offered some temporary clothes, but somehow most of their belongings, sealed away in scrolls had survived the journey with them.

Emma sincerely hoped the next day went better. The boys (men) would be introduced to the twenty-seven remaining mutants and perhaps start their integration into the team.

Alas it wasn't going to be that easy.

XXXXX

Naruto opened his eyes blearily and stared at the weight on his chest. It was kinda toady and beardy and-

"Fuck, Pa!"

It was Fukasaku. And he had just beaned Naruto. The elder Sage hopped off his apprentice's chest and greeted a now awake Gaara.

A not crazy Shukaku did wonders for sleeping.

Fukasaku turned to the blonde.

"Naruto-chan, why are you anchored in this realm?"

Naruto opened his mouth and the Kyuubi's words just flowed out.

"The Gaki and I are anchored here now because I am now anchored here. This is my new realm. And until I am sufficiently anchored here, you will not be able to summon him."

Fukasaku frowned.

"It disrupted Myobokuzan's place amongst the realms, we can no longer reach the Elemental Countries... Until another spirit realm attaches itself to this one and the Elemental Countries, you won't be going home, even if we could summon you to the Holy Mountain."

Naruto just gaped at Pa.

Gaara whispered a single word before he disappeared.

"Masturi."

Naruto heard the whisper and processed it along with the information he just received from a very sad looking Pa.

"Hinata..."

XXXXX

Emma woke to a panicking Sooraya. Apparently there was a sandstorm around the mansion and she couldn't control it.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Frost!"

Emma fought the urge to sigh in frustration.

"It isn't you, Sooraya. It is a new arrival. His name is Subaku no Gaara."

Emma couldn't see her face but knew she was frowning.

"Apparently it means Gaara of the Desert or Sand Waterfall. He said his family had been bedouin (the exact word he had used) before they became a clan and settled in the Village Hidden in the Sand. Everyone in his family is named like that."

Now Sooraya was very confused.

Emma actually sighed again before attempting to reach Gaara. The only response she got back was 'Matsuri.' And a whole lot of pain.

Time to go find Naruto. Out of all the people you would think you could just sense, it would be him, but the lad was more invisible than Logan on a good day.

Finally after about three hours of looking, and enlisting most of the academy, Naruto was located on the roof, staring out into the sandstorm. As she approached him he looked over at her, his eyes rimmed with red.

"We can't go home. Ever. Neither of us can see... _her_... again."

And suddenly it all made sense. The boys were missing their girlfriends. And it was likely the two of them were in mourning as they both might as well be dead to their world.

Emma sat down next to the boy awkwardly and patted his back as he returned to staring out into the sandstorm of Gaara's.

XXXXX

Three days. Three whole days she had to deal with panicked calls from the O.N.E. and various other agencies.

All of them had been given a reply along the lines of: 'A student is incredibly upset at the death of one of their precious people and is in such dissarray I haven't been able to reach him yet.'

Suddenly, around dinner time both boys walked in to the dining room, Naruto bright and cheerful, and Gaara as stoic as ever.

Introductions were going to be interesting after Gaara's display of power and the chase that resulted in many awkward situations.

XXXXX

Naruto liked grandstanding. In the Shinobi world only the most powerful could grandstand. Jiraiya had been a prime example.

"Hello, people I met three days ago and haven't spoken to since!"

He hoped up onto the table and took a bow.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Some of you may remember what I look like, from when I popped into your room..."

He winked at Cessily, who's face turned a bright red to contrast the rest of her silver skin; and waved at a fuming Noriko, who he had popped in on changing. Then in a poof of smoke Naruko, clad in a very interesting variant of Naruto's standard get-up existed.

"Others might remember this!"

He blew kisses to a few flabbergasted males, who all suddenly found themselves looking everywhere but Naru(ko)to.

"I am-" Here Naruko changed into a Naruto wearing a stange Kabuki like outfit. One exactly like his late sensei's. And he began his sensei's traditional greeting.

"-the one who women want and men want to be. The one who makes the earth shake and knees quake. The Toad Sage of the Holy Myobokuzan!"

He stood on the table posed impressively, a extended in front of him and a hand extended behind him. Another poof and a very twisted and sadistic looking Naruto existed in his place, licking the blade of a curved Kunai in a perverse manner.

"I am the living human sacrifice that contains the King of the Demon Realm and the Great Seal of Fire, the Kyuubi no Youko."

Finally, another poof and the original Naruto was laying on the table in a seductive pose.

"Ladies, you can send the love letters later."

Gaara just scoffed, drawing all the attention to him in the now silent room.

"Subaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage and the living human sacrifice of the Desert God Shukaku, the Ichibi no Tanuki."

Naruto leaped to his feet.

"Fuck you, Gaara! Ruining my introduction!"

A truly epic food fight involving all sort of powers from everyone in the dining hall ensued.

XXXXX

Logan liked this blonde kid. He had balls of steel. They both did, but the blonde one took the cake.

Scott hated this kid's apparent lack of discipline, why couldn't he be more like his friend?

Emma fumed as chaos ensued.

Hank enjoyed the show as he ate his cake from his position from hanging upside down on the chandlier.

Mmmm, choclate.

XXXXX

A/N: Why not?


	6. Chapter 6: Foxfire

Lord of Foxfire

Deep in the metaphysical space of the Dead Demon Consuming Seal, the Kyuubi no Kitsune frowned. As the gigantic fox stepped forward to the bars of the cage that held the vastness that made the Kyuubi no Youko, the form shimmered and shrank.

A single red slitted eye peered out from between the now adjusted bars. Human like hands reached out and lightly grabbed that which held the biju. A single tail speared through the space between the bars, stopping at its maximum reach.

"Damn this cage!"

The Kyuubi rattled the bars in a moment of anger.

"My vessel will be cared for. He will grow strong, even if I have to take it into my own hands."

The tail that had left the cage began to pulse, arhythmically, with the deep, dark power of the only fox to never be held under the sway of Inari-kami-sama. Not that either deity begrudged the other. Inari ruled over all foxes but this one, who had been gifted by the Heavenly Empress to be the Great Seal of Fire, and the Kyuubi was still allowed to rule over the Foxfire clan of Youko. A 'stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours' kind of deal.

XXXXX

Long ago, in the times of Great Antiquity, there were no waves in the ocean, no sand upon the beach, and no grass upon the land. All was barren.

Then the Death God grew bored and allowed his powers to slip, letting Life spring into action.

The first of all beings was Primordial Fire. That which held the very spark of life, and it first birthed the Kitsune.

That which would become the Kyuubi no Kitsune of the Bijuu was the first.

And it still remembered those dark days, stumbling around lost and lonely. It swore then to be the most powerful being it could be, never being lost or lonely again.

Uzumaki Naruto, the Vessel, would not share that fate of loneliness. Not while it could be changed by the Kyuubi's infinite powers.

XXXXXX

Naruto whimpered in his sleep. He had skinned his knee today, at almost the same exact time as another child. It hurt in the deepest places of his heart when that other child's mother was there in an instant shushing and caring for the other little one.

Naruto didn't have anyone like that.

Sure, Old Man Hokage was there every now and again, and the big brothers and sisters of ANBU checked in on him all the time, but there was no one for little six year old Uzumaki Naruto.

A light red glow began to seep down one of Naruto's arms and it began to move. His thumb cracked the scab over his rapidly healing knee and smeared blood over its pad. The arm went to the wall and drew a series of strange characters on the wall, before placing his palm against the markings. A bright pulse of youki had ANBU barreling into his room.

XXXXX

Eight more tails shot past the bars of the cage and the figure stepped to the bars. The sewer that led to the cage was dimly lit, a reflection of Naruto's state of awareness. And what was revealed by that light was an etheral woman. Beautiful beyond any mortal's ability to explain. Long red hair cascaded down her naked body.

"Now, for the final touch."

All nine tails began pulsing in a strange light show. Beams of Youki shot out and swirled together, forming a huge, bright blue-white will-o-wisp.

The great flame surged forward and slammed into the floor of the sewer, integrating itself with Naruto's very being.

XXXXX

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked into the special lockdown room that had been created by Senju Mito to house herself or any other Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi, should something unexpected happen. There on a metal slab covered in seals, lay Naruto. The young boy that Sarutobi was proud to count among his family, despite no blood relation. The wizened Hokage only wished he could be there for the boy, more than the monthly visits.

It was plain for anyone to see how lonely the child was. How he latched onto Inu-aniki and Hebi-nee when they stopped in to check on the boy. Faceless, silent killers. Those where his best friends.

"Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen turned to one fo his many minions and raised an eyebrow.

"Report."

The minion cleared his throat quietly.

"There seems to be nothing out of the ordinary, other than that pulse and a steady increase in the youki in the young vessel's system."

He looked back into the room where his surrogate-grandson lay.

"Define steady increase."

The minion looked nervous.

"The amount of youki has nearly quadrupled from normal levels and is still rising at a rate of fifteen percent of normal levels every ten minutes."

As Hiruzen turned to his minion again and began asking him if there was a way to siphon off this excess youki, the sealed 'unexpected event' room exploded into a giant ball of super-hot blue-white fire.

"What is this?" the Hokage demanded of his minion.

The door was holding, if only barely. It creaked and the heat eminating off of it was immense.

"I don't know, sir!"

Then as suddenly as the fire appeared it dissapeared, revealing an untouched Naruto laying in a pool of liquid metal. Even as the rest of the room rapidly cooled, the pool around Naruto stayed molten and hot.

Another minion ran into the room.

"All youki has returned to normal levels! Whatever that was, it used up all the extra."

Hiruzen tore the door off its hinges in an incredible show of strength and made his way to Naruto usuing chakra to avoid getting burned by the floor.

Naruto for his part scratched his belly, snorted, and rolled over, drolling into the metal.

XXXXX

Naruto really hated hospitals. Couldn't they see he was fine? His knee wasn't even skinned any more! The blonde boy just pouted as yet another doctor took his vital signs and poked him with needles. If Jiji hadn't promised him as much ramen as he could eat, he would so be out of here!

Eventually, three days later, they let the poor boy go home. Jiji promised they would go get ramen tomorrow.

Naruto skipped home, happy to be free of the smelly, stingy, needley, white hosptial. He stopped at the stairs up to his apartment, a really pretty lady stood in the way.

"Hello, Naruto-chan. My name is Amami, and starting today, I will be your caretaker."

She was clad in a traditional kimono and she bowed deeply letting her black hair fall forward in a curtain, covering the kimono's vibrant sky blue color. She stood back up and smiled at him.

"Take care of me while I take care of you, ne?"

Naruto broke into a foxy grin.

"Sure thing, Amami-chan!"

XXXXX

Normally an influx of beautiful women would be a good thing, Hiruzen mused. But over the past year twenty-seven women and teenaged girls moved into the apartment complex that housed Naruto, and those that surrounded it.

At first, Sarutobi thought that the brothels in the red light district near Naruto had decided to recruit from afar. A quick discussion with the madames of the few establishments Konoha had squashed that notion. The theatre district also lead to a dead end. There was no major all female casting planned.

Then they all bowed to Naruto as he passed them. They called out to him, interacted with him. While he was happy for the boy, he was still the Hokage and this sent all of his danger senses into overdrive. Strange women, lots of them, interacting with a demon host.

Not that anybody outside of Konoha really knew that. Oh, sure, all the other shinobi villages knew Konoha _had_ a Jinchuriki, but according to Jiraiya, and his tireless work to make sure it stayed that way, none of them knew _who_ it was.

Finally, no matter how many times he tried to bring one in for interrogation, they never got caught. Even in some incredibly brazen and open attempts to kidnap one was met with failure. The ANBU were all frustrated and embarrassed by it.

Time to go to Naruto about it.

XXXXX

Amami-nee was _the best_. Period. Full stop. Even when she washed his face with the hanky. But she was acting weird today.

"Wassa matter, Amami-nee?"

"What is the matter, Naruto-chan. Speak properly," she chided him.

He pouted in response but asked again, this time properly.

Amami sighed. She looked so sad!

"I happened to come across this super powerful jutsu scroll, but I can't use it!"

Naruto perked up visibly at the mention of super powerful jutsu. Hey! Naruto had an idea! He was a super powerful ninja! Maybe he could use it? He asked Amami-nee if he could try.

"Well..."

He gave he the puppy dog eyes and quivering pouty lip. Amami giggled.

"You won't be able to use that forever, mister. Cute little boys grow up to be handsome men! And handsome men don't do that. Still, where'd I put that scroll?"

Amami made a show of looking around when Naruto spotted a large scroll leaning in the corner. Had it been any other time he might have wondered when the hell it showed up there but it wasn't there five minutes ago. But Naruto was way to psyched for that.

"There, Amami-nee! There!"

"Oh, how silly of me! There it is! Good eyes, Naruto-chan! Though," she pouted at him, "If you can use this jutsu you'll be a big boy and I'll have to call you Naruto-kun."

She hugged him tightly and kissed his head as he struggled to get away. She let him go and picked up the scroll and laying across his small table. When the scroll was opened, thanks to Naruto (Amami said she couldn't open it), Amami gasped.

"A fresh summoning scroll?! Naruto-chan this is very rare!"

She went into a brief explanation of what summoning was for Naruto's benefit. Since she helped Naruto with all of his ninja academy homework she knew all sorts of ninja things, even if Naruto was prone to forgetting a lot of it. Which is why Naruto had no idea that summoning was never discussed in any of his work books.

He signed the scroll in blood and the scroll poofed away back to the summons realm. A quick run down of the hand signs used to summon and Naruto was set and primed to go!

"One last thing, Naruto-chan, try usuing the least amount of chakra you can, we don't want to be damaging anything of ours."

Naruto nodded, went through the hand signs, shouted out the techniques name and poof.

"A fox?"

"BAKA!" the little cream coloured fox screamed before it jumped up and whacked Naruto on the head with its tail, "I'm a youko! A fox spirit! You signed the Youko contract!"

That's when the little one tailed youko spotted Amami and paled beneath her fur coat. And Amami was giving her the evil eye.

"I-I mean. Hello, Honored Summoner. I am Mitsuko One-Tail of the Foxfire Clan of Youko, how may I be of service?"

Mitsuko gave what could only be interpreted as a bow.

Naruto started bouncing off the walls he was so excited. He had summoned something! And she TALKED! THIS WAS SO COOL!

"Ne, ne, what can you do, -ttebayo?!"

Mitsuko did her best to maintain a professional composure as she began to list a youko's abilities. Shapeshifting, genjutsu, making genjutsu become real (at the highest levels), sneaking, foxfire and all of its techniques, some youko were proficient at kenjutsu, and pranking.

The way Naruto's eyes lit up at pranking greatly diminished the impact of Amami palming her face in the background.

"Mitsuko-chan, this is the start of a beautiful relationship."

And an evilly grinning Naruto and youko going over a list of pranks was the scene Hiruzen was treated to when Amami answered the door.

XXXXX

"Hokage-dono," Amami greeted as she stepped out of Naruto's apartment and shut the door behind her, much to Hiruzen's displeasure, "I believe we have much to talk about."

She gestured towards the Hokage Tower.

"Perhaps your office would be the best place for this conversation."

Hiruzen frowned. It had been some time since he had been adressed with that honorific and for _her_ to reccomend where to take this conversation... Well, at least he would get some answers.

As they left the 'Naruto District' as many of Konoha's inhabitants had taken to calling it, many of the girls had called out to Amami or bowed as the two passed by. Amami waved or bowed in return. Eventually they cleared the area and Hiruzen began signlaing his ANBU to prepare unspiked and spiked tea, as well as summon his former teammates and gods-damn-him Danzo to his office.

The pace was sedate and Hiruzen lead her in a slightly longer tour of Konoha, making sure to point out the importance and how much he cared about the village, even the smallest members of his village. Naruto included. Amami just smiled serenly.

Finally, they made it to his office where Koharu, Homura, and Danzo were waiting. The three Elders were engaged in small talk and sipping tea, though they all stood and bowed upon his entrance, greeting him with a 'Hokage-sama' or in Danzo's case a slight nod and 'Sarutobi.'

When Amami was seated and served (unspiked, for now) tea, she dropped a bomb shell.

"Hokage-dono, Honored Elders of Konoha, I am Amami Eight-Tail of the Foxfire Clan of Youko and Majordomo to her Lady of Foxfire, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, Lord of Bijuu."

The killing intent spiked from every human in the room, the hidden ANBU and Ne members included. Amami just smiled serenely, her tails and ears shimmering into veiw.

"Explain yourself, demon! What do you have to do with Naruto?!" Hiruzen demanded through clenched teeth.

Amami just continued smiling.

"Everything. He is my Lady's vessel and therefore my charge. I am his caretaker as I am my Lady's. Have you not noticed his increased health? He was suffering from several minor cases of malnutrition, mostly due to his own childishness. Has he not improved in his schooling as well? These are things a constant guiding hand can bring out in a child."

Koharu scoffed.

"And what would a demon know of child rearing?"

Amami turned to the elderly woman.

"I have lived for four thousand two hundred seventy-six years, do you think that I do not have children of my own? Mitsuko, the youko Naruto summoned earlier today, is one of my youngest. I was quite pleased when Naruto summoned her instead of one of her cousins. I had intended for her to be his personal familiar. Funny, how things work out isn't it?"

Homura nodded politely. A majordomo of a great demon would not be something to offend, even if no one else in the room seemed to care. Even if he wanted to slit her throat and spill her blood all over the office. Ah, politics.

"And all the women and girls around young Uzumaki's place of residence?"

"Members of my Lady's household and her honor guard."

Danzo cast a critical eye, wondering if he dare use Shisui's eye.

"We know of twenty-seven of these... members of the Kyuubi's house. How many are really here and what is their level of strength?"

"Twenty-nine, if you include myself and Mitsuko. All of them are at least four-tails, save Mitsuko One-Tail, in strength, though the twelve members of my Lady's honor guard are seven and eight tails."

Everyone save Amami supressed shudders at the sheer demonic power and presence in the village. Though only Danzo and Hiruzen were thinking of how to use all that power.

"And why, despite the Kyuubi being in our village for almost a century, have you arrived now?"

"My Lady summoned me. I have yet to delve into Naruto-chan's, excuse me, Naruto-kun's soul and speak with my Lady. I do not know her reasons but the message she sent was simple. 'Come and take care of my vessel.'"

Hiruzen remembered that terrifying night. He was worried not just about Konoha if the Kyuubi broke free, but Naruto as well. That night had shaved a good decade off of his life. And gotten rid of the last of his non-grey hair. Damnit all, he hadn't been able to pick up a younger woman in months becuase of that! He was now just an old man instead of a distinguished older gentleman.

He leaned forward gaining the attention of everyone in the room.

"Why are you being so free with this information?"

Amami hid a demure giggle behind a kimono sleeve.

"Because there is nothing you or anyone can do to stop us from doing our duty. Bring the monks of all five temples and the Foxfire Clan will still be here to make sure our Lady and her Vessel are taken care of."

Amami's previously deep brown eyes became red and slitted. The psychic pressure in the room was so great that two Ne members actually fell off the building and plummetted to their death.

"Even if that means we have to kill every filthy human within a hundred kilometers of here."

Her eyes once again became human and so did Amami, the pressure leaving.

"But that would upset Naruto-kun so I would like to avoid that, as I am sure you would as well."

Hiruzen kept himself from slumping back into his chair in defeat.

"Is there anything else we should know that you beleive is pertinent for us?"

She nodded once.

"My Lady has gifted her vessel with... Oh, what do you humans call genetic traits that are passed down? Bloodline something."

"A bloodline limit?"

"Yes, that. I think. Naruto-kun has been gifted with Foxfire. Kitsune-bi no Naruto has quite the ring to it don't you think? Also, know that our forces will not lash out against your villagers or any human unless they threaten Naruto-kun. Then you will have to sweep their ashes off the ground."

Hiruzen, Koharu, Homura, and Danzo all thought that was rather reasonable given what the youko were there to do. However:

"I am afraid I cannot allow that. Instead I ask you to turn any... violators over to the ANBU to be dealt with. We cannot have widespread panic over youko being in the village otherwise... I nor Naruto-kun would like it very much."

"They will still die?"

It took a moment but eventually Hiruzen nodded.

"Yes, they will still die. If you didn't know, no one is allowed to speak of the fact that Naruto is your Lady's vessel."

Amami nodded.

"Of course. No need to bring undue attention to my charge."

"And what do you mean to do once he becomes a ninja and leaves the village on missions," Danzo interjected.

Turning to the old warhawk, Amami giggled again.

"He will never be unattended. My Lady is always with him. And she takes care of what is hers."

XXXXX

Hiruzen graciously escorted Amami back to Naruto's apartment, his heart heavy. He had hoped he would have a few more years to explain this to the boy. Perhaps telling him that when he obtained the rank of jonin he could be informed about his parents would lessen the blow.

Its not every day you explained to a child he harboured a great demon in his belly.

Soon enough they were in the apartment where Naruto and Mitsuko were giggling uncontrollably and getting along great.

"Mitsuko, come along," Amami said holding out a hand.

"Yes, Mother!" Mitsuko answered hopping off Naruto's belly and in a poof changing into a seven year-old gilr with honey brown hair pulled into a cute bun and an off white kimono. She took her mother's hand and left the apartment leaving a very confused Naruto.

"Jiji, did Mitsuko-chan just call Amami-nee 'mother?'"

The aforementioned Jiji gave a heavy sigh before turning to the young boy.

"Naruto, seven years ago, Konohagakure was faced with its greatest challenge. A very angry Kyuubi no Kitsune..."

XXXXX

Naruto stared at the older man, his head tilted to the side and one eye squinted.

"I have Amami-nee's Hokage in my belly?"

"Close enough."

"So, that means I'm pretty awesome, doesn't it Jiji?!"

Hiruzen allowed himself a small smile.

"Indeed, Naruto, it does. Keep in mind though, that not a lot of people think the same way you do. It is your secret to tell, but it is still a secret. Do you understand?"

"Yup!"

"One last thing, Naruto. Your... tenant has gifted you with one other thing. A bloodline. Amami tells us that you will wield foxfire. And that all of your children will wield it as well. Make sure to write down everything you find out about it for them."

"So, I'm like super extra awesome?!"

Sarutobi chuckled.

"Yes, Naruto, you are. Very much so."

XXXXX

And so began Naruto's journey in the world of youko. For him it was loads fo fun. He had Amami-nee and Mitsuko to play with when he was out of school and all the other nee-chan to help train(and play with) him.

He was nine when he began to exhibit active signs of his bloodline.

XXXXX

"Whoa... I'm so jealous," Mitsuko said in awe.

Naruto, however, was about to wig out. He stood in the center of one of the training grounds alloted to academy students. And all around him were balls of foxfire. Lots and lots of foxfire. The balls drifted lazily in a whirl pattern.

About thirty seconds ago he and Mitsuko had been sparing with Midori-nee, working on combo attacks and teamwork. They were summoner and familiar after all. Mitsuko would be by his side almost all the time. Midori-nee was the Gate of Spring, one of the honor guard, and by far the most child friendly. But that didn't stop her from roughing up the children in training.

Naruto had taken a flaming spear to the shoulder.

Then he exploded in foxfire, creating their current predicament. And Naruto had no idea what to do about it.

Midori-nee squealed, picked him up, and smooshed his face into her bosom in a hug, swinging his legs around in her jubilant dancing.

"You did it, you did it, you did it!"

That was when the foxfire collapsed in on them.

A slightly crispy, yet still smiling, Midori brought the children home to Amami. It was time to train the boy to use his fire.

Mitsuko was still jealous. She needed one more tail to make her foxfire.

XXXXX

A/N: Really surprised nothing like this has really been done. I've seen ones where Naruto becomes a demon and gains a legion of foxes. Or ones where Naruto is gifted with a bloodline that has nothing to do with kitsune. But this idea has bouncing around in my head for a while. I have some ideas that go into later events like chuunin exams and so forth.

Also here is an idea for how Hanabi gets Naruto after he breaks up with Hinata. Because I 3 Hanabi.

XXXXX

Hanabi marched into Ichiraku and spun Naruto around on his stool. He still had noodles in his mouth and his bowl in his hand but his eyes were wide with surprise.

"You are going to finish that bowl of ramen, then you are going home, showering and putting on your best clothes. You will come pick me up at the Hyuuga compound at seven sharp and take me to the Garden of the Sun restaurant."

Naruto slurped up his noodles and opened his mouth to make a rebuttal. Hanabi grabbed his lapels and smashed her mouth into his, her tongue invading his mouth. After thoroughly ravagin his mouth she pulled back slightly, her pupiless white eyes flickering subtly over his face.

"Don't disappoint me, tiger."

With that she marched out of the ramen stand. Naruto spun back to face Ayame behind the counter slowly.

"I think I have a date tonight."


	7. Chapter 7: Sage road trip

A/N: I'm not dead, I dont own Naruto, PJO, or DC comics.

**Please Read:** All of these ideas in this collection are up for grabs. If you like one and want to write it, go ahead. I just ask that you send me a PM so I can read it :D

Toad Sage of the Holy Mountain of the Exquisite Tree

or

A Way to do Cross-overs

followed by

Some Cross-overs

It wasn't every day Naruto got summoned by the Great Toad Sage. Naruto had actually lost out on the position of Hokage, much to his supporters surprise. And no one was more surprised than Sasuke, who had become the offical Sixth Hokage.

Something about Naruto being too valuable on the battlefield.

Whatever.

Sasuke had kept Naruto on a very short leash, constantly checking in with him concerning anything that was a bit more exciting than D-ranked missions. The Uchiha knew that the deep seated corruption of his Clan was strong in him, and so he used Naruto as an anchor.

People would joke that they had two Sixth Hokages.

Eventually, though, Sasuke had need of the unique wisdom of a Sage. A not a partially trained one. Naruto may have mastered the balancing of Natural Energies, but he wasn't a true sage yet. And so, Sasuke sent Naruto to go finish his training. Even if they communicated constantly via summons.

A long two years physically away from Konoha and Naruto was on the cusp of completing his training and becoming a full-fledged Sage. Pa had said so, with a rather smug look on his face.

Ma whacked Pa on the head with a ladel for that comment.

Anyways, back to the present. Meeting with the Great Toad Sage. What was most surprising to Naruto was how the old geezer looked surprisingly awake, and followed his movements with clear, yet blind eyes.

"Mmmm, Naruto-chan, I can hear the world sing your praises. Congratulations."

The human blushed and scratched the back of his neck.

"Its nothing, Geezer-toad. I've been doing my best."

A small smile graced the giant toad's 'lips.'

"On the contrary... it is quite the accomplishment. But we now come to the crux of the problem."

Naruto's eyes went wide.

"Problem? What kind of problem?!"

The smile on the toad's lips became sad.

"A sage has no alliegence, except that to the worlds."

A moment and all was silent. The information processed through Naruto's mind and he whispered his next words.

"I can't be a Konoha-nin?"

"Your training must stop here, or you must revoke your human alliances and take the final step."

"Can I think on it?"

The geezer smiled widely, his blind eyes closing.

"Of course, but I would have your answer within the week. Why don't you return to Konoha while you think?"

Naruto nodded absently as he left.

XXXXX

Truthfully, Naruto had made his choice before even setting foot in Konoha. A day had been spent arguing with Sasuke. It had come to blows and the Valley of the End had grown tremendously in size.

Sasuke finally relented. A higher calling. The Uchiha understood that. And he had a wife and a child (on the way) to keep him grounded now.

Sakura's pregnancy was a bit of a surprise. She wasn't showing yet, which is what the Uchiha couple had been waiting for, so they could send pictures to Naruto when they broke the news.

Hinata had gotten tired of waiting, it seemed. She was currently dating Kiba.

Tenten had gotten over Neji's death and was engaged to a forever stoic Shino. But Naruto saw the subtle glances he sent her, and the softening of his face.

Ino had apparently decided she was a lesbian (for the moment, she flip-flopped alot) and was trying to woo Anko, of all people, into a committed relationship. Lee was trying to woo Ino. It was a vicious cycle.

Shikamaru had taken his father's position and been forced by Gaara to marry Temari. Because that Nara would drag his feet forever if he could.

Chouji found a nice civillian girl. She was pleasent and very mothering. Naruto liked her and was glad for Chouji.

And Sai? Well... He was being Sai. But his art was selling very well. Not as well as Kakashi's Icha Icha series, though. That was selling like hotcakes to men and women alike. Kakashi signed a whole illustrated first edition set, to go with Naruto's illustrated first edition set that had been given to him by Jiraiya.

Tearful goodbyes are what Naruto left to.

XXXXX

"Alright, Geezer-toad. I want to be a Sage."

XXXXX

The next few months were spent training in how to tap into the visions of the world. Every true sage had a different 'prophetic' vision. The Great Toad Sage was a prophet of the future. Naruto was a prophet of the past. Something about the winds carrying news to the young man, while the toad peered into the mists trying to spot something.

And finally Naruto and the Great Toad Sage prepared for a non-harmful extraction of Kurama.

It was as simple as a sage powered substitution. The Great Sage would take Kurama's place inside the seal, allowing the Kyuubi to roam free once again, and for Fukusaku to take his place as the new Great Toad Sage.

While in the seal the Great Toad Sage would act like a beacon for Natural Energies, letting (and forcing) Naruto permantly stay in Sage Mode. Even after the Great Sage died and faded into the seal, the benefits would stay.

Kurama was slightly apprensive about the whole thing. He and Naruto had become partners, friends... And yet again, the similarities between the Sage of Sixth Paths and Naruto... Kurama relented when the Toads offered Kurama protection on Myobokuzan, and would allow Naruto to summon Kurama.

Today, he was clad in his red sage coat over a black and orange version of his late sensei's outfit, complete with giant scroll full of awesome and horned forehead protector. Today was the day they would do the switch and Naruto would 'drown' in the natural energies of the Toad Oil Well.

The switch was made with no issues. A few farewells were made, and Naruto stepped into the pool of toad oil, whipping him away to where he was needed.

Sages had some weird powers.

XXXXX All cross overs are seperate and not linked.

PJO

With a splash and a pop Naruto reappeared. About ten feet off the ground. His landing was less than graceful, and he did it on a person. There was much cursing from both parties as they sought to disentangle themselves. When Naruto was fully free of whoever, he looked around and found his face suddenly full of nocked, ready to go, arrows. Every single archer was a girl ranging form the ages of eight to mid teens.

"Uh, hi?"

"What IS this gunk?!"

His golden eyes slid over to the person, he assumed he landed on, that was covered in toad oil. He was also covered in toad oil, but he had been there and done that.

"Toad oil, what else would it be?"

The oil was very thick and was dripping off the young teenage girl in an obscene way. Her stare was furious. She drew and nocked her bow as well.

"I would like to point out before you all make me a pincushion, that I have no idea I where I am, who you all are, why I'm here, or that my exit would be like that. And I'm very sorry that this happened."

The feminine rage was very palapable. It was like standing in the presence of a dozen Tsunades backed up by a dozen Sakuras. Naruto was naturally sweating bullets, and the Old Geezer snored loudly inside the seal, oblivious.

"Thalia, girls, stand down."

A girl, about twelve with auburn hair, approached and the rest of the girls slowly stood down, though 'Thalia' took far longer to do so, and her glare remained.

"Does that mean I can stand up?"

The instant the words tumbled from his mouth, he felt like slapping himself. The face of the auburn girl twisted slightly in amusement. She nodded but not without relaying a warning.

"If you try anything untoward, it will be the last thing you do."

As he stood and brushed his pants off and ran his hands through his hair, wringing out the toad oil, Naruto muttered something about Nadeshiko.

"Nadeshiko? What is that, traveller?"

"Um, a village full of warrior women near my homeland. This kinda seems like that, but younger."

He paused and then paniced slightly.

"Please tell me, I didn't just marry her!"

Naruto pointed at Thalia with a shaking finger.

"I don't know her, and I sure as hell didn't defeat her in single combat, I just fell on her!"

Thalia snarled with barely kept rage, moving forward only to be stopped by the auburn haired girl.

"These women of Nadeshiko marry the men who defeat them in combat?"

Naruto nodded.

"We do not do that. We don't like boys."

Naruto's world came to a screeching halt.

"So, you like girls? Cause that's cool, my friend Ino likes girls. For the moment anyways, she kinda decides on a weekly basis."

He was babbling and he knew it. Something here was different. He was racking his brain while his mouth kept on running.

"Its not like that. I offer these girls refuge from men in my service... You have strange eyes, traveller."

To the girl, his eyes were indeed strange. Golden, with horizontal bars like an amphibian's, and the red pigment near them seemed to be in his skin, like a tattoo or even natural.

"Oh, I didn't introduce myself?"

Golden oppurtunity! He began to hop on one foot, hands and arms extended. Tribute to Jiraiya, all day, every day. Sages unite!

"I am the man from afar who makes men weep, women cry, and children shout with joy! From the East to the West, I am!"

He slammed a hand into the ground and in a great poof of smoke he was now standing on this generation's Gama. The Toad with no name. The one who was the contract Toad. He relinquished his name when he became the paragon of everything Toads were, short of being a sage.

"Naruto of the Uzumaki Clan! Sage of the Toad Spirits of the Holy Mountain of the Exquisite Tree!"

Epic intro. Now he knew why his sensei did it all the time. At least until the first giggle caused a cascade of giggles and all the girls were laughing at him.

"Mou."

He sat on Gama's head and patted it while he pouted.

"Tough crowd, Aniki. I thought it was awesome. Jiraiya-sama couldn't have done better."

"I know, Gama, I know..."

The giggling stopped abruptly.

"Did that frog just talk?!" one girl squealed out.

Almost in perfect synchronization Gama and Naruto made indignant squawks and pointed at the girl who had spoke.

"Toad, moron! Toad! Don't compare me to those inferior creatures!"

"Toad! Weren't you listening?!"

And the girls all broke out into giggles again. Man or not, this guy was a riot. Even Thalia had to stifle a giggle.

"Traveller."

All the giggling stopped and everyone's attention turned to the auburn haired girl. Naruto took a moment to get a better look at her. She had silver-yellow eyes. And she thought he had strange eyes? And now that his attention was focused on her, he realized what was weird.

"You're not human."

She shook her head.

"No, I am not. I am Artemis, Goddess of the Moon, maidens, chastity, childbirth, and the Hunt."

Naruto stared for a moment.

"Chastity and childbirth? How does that work?"

Artemis just shrugged.

"I wanted to help women, who were once the maidens I watched over, through the pain of it, and I became the goddess of it."

"That seems... convienent."

"Divinity is convienent."

"I guess, I wouldn't know. I've only ever fought demons before."

A hand gesture and a hardening of her eyes and the arrows were back. Gama took a moment to say 'bye, Aniki' before leaving.

"Demons?"

Naruto nodded.

"Yeah, I fought and killed the no-tail. Learned the names of the one through nine tails, and used their help to fight and re-seal the ten-tails. Which brings me to my next point."

Naruto pointed to the moon.

"Is the Dead Demon Statue up there in this world? It's the ten-tails' body."

"There are no demons like that here," Artemis said her voice still hard.

Naruto struck up a thinking pose, ignoring the arrows. Not like he couldn't substitue and leap away or simply be impervious because of Sage Mode. But then again, one of his possible advisaries was a goddess.

"Then why am I here? Sages fight demons, amongst other things," he mused aloud. He couldn't think of a reason. He shrugged and returned his attention to Artemis, who had been talking to him.

"-re you even listening to me?"

"I heard you. But the babbling of a brook means nothing to the roar of a river."

Artemis felt the urge to facepalm. Not another poet. Apollo was bad enough.

"Are you saying you weren't listening?"

"Yup."

Artemis drew a knife and fingered it. Men. Always so... ARGH!

"Well, I'm off to explore and travel somemore! Bye girls, bye Tsukiko-chan!"

And he poofed before even the first arrow hit him, leaving behind a... log?

"I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN NARUTO UZUMAKI!"

XXXXX

A/N: If I were to write this I would have a scene where Artemis explains what demons are in the PJO universe. Essentially malevolent monsters of great power, similar to the gods. Intelligent, blah, blah, blah. No one knows where they come from, and they like to live in the deep places of the world, so Hades usually deals with them, but they do escape occasionally.

The time frame for this would be before they went all Roman. But after the battle with Kronos. At least for Naruto's entry. Percy would not be the main person form PJO Naruto interacts with for a while. The Hunters and the House of Hades would be. The hunters because Artemis feels Naruto is a threat(and is strangely attracted to him, much to her displeasure. He is a sage and she is a goddess of wild things, catch my drift? Nature, yo.) because he is obviously versed in some sort of demonology, and Nico because Hades sends his boy to deal with some disturbances in the Deep Places (not Tartarus, but the deep places at the edges of the Kingdom of the Dead) where Nico finds out that something has escaped. Nico and Naruto become friends.

Naruto ends up getting introduced to Hades(Who feels the residue of the Shinigami from the seal. Since Naruto is touched by death, Hades feels an initial trust which spirals into essentially employing Naruto), who eventually introduces him to the Olympians at large during the fight with the Giants.

XXXXX

DC

Next thing Naruto knew he was falling. From a very high place. It was like that one time he was playing around with the Toad Leap and he leaped way high into the clouds. Which mean he had a long way to fall, because those were clouds below him.

So he rolled over on his back and pulled out a book to read while he fell.

Eventually he righted himself and prepared for a soft landing.

His landing wasn't soft. It was crunchy and clangy. He looked down from his book at what he had landed on. It seemed to be some sort of metal person.

"Ouch, sorry about that."

He stepped off the metal person and closed his book, tucking it away. Looking aroundhe spied... Another metal man, a man in a blue outfit with red underwear on the outside, and a very attractive blonde girl wearing a... slutty version of what the man in blue was wearing.

"Hi! Hope I'm not interupting anything!"

He turned and looked around, some of these buildings were so tall! Even taller than the towers in Kumo!

"Who are you?" the man in blue demanded.

"Uzumaki Naruto, Toad Sage of the Holy Mountain of the Exqusite Tree," he remarked off handedly, still craning his head up at these impossibly tall buildings, "Where am I?"

"Metropolis. Why are you here?"

"Dunno yet. Haven't had a chance to meditate on it."

With that Naruto began to wander away.

"Supergirl, deal with the new guy, we got Brainiac."

And now the very attractive blonde was in front of him. Did she just move faster than Lee with three gates open? Impressive.

"I'm sorry, can't just let you go. We gotta keep tabs on any new supers. Now, we can do this one of two wa- hey!"

Naruto began to wander off again. There was a huge natural signature, off to the north east. Many miles away. Supergirl, he thought her name was, tried to grab his arm and spin him to face her, but Naruto just danced out of her reach.

"I guess you chose the hard way."

She reared back and went to deliver a powerful punch to the back of his head, hoping to knock him out. Naruto ducked, span inside her guard and stood, his face inches from hers. His toad eyes bored into hers.

"Have I commited any crimes?"

Dropping from the sky and landing on Brainiac wasn't a crime.

"N-no."

"Then piss off before I get angry, I have better things to do than play with some untrained kid."

With that he began to wander off, yet again.

"Kid?!" Kara screeched indignantly, "You're not much older than I am!"

Naruto stopped and turned to face her.

"The first time I killed someone I was four. I was then drafted into my nation's military. Since then I have killed hundreds if not thousands. I have saved nations, destroyed innocence, saved the world, killed demons, and brought peace. To me, you, who obviously hasn't been stained yet, are nothing more than a child. Now, I have Sage things to do."

And Naruto leapt away, high above the citiy, off towards the natural signature. Supergirl shot after him after a moment. Right as she caught up to him, he threw something, and disappeared in a flash.

"Clark isn't going to like this. Neither is Batman."

XXXXX

As he got closer to the signature he noticed a few things about it. It was female, and unbalanced. Almost like someone had been dipped in Toad Oil and was fighting the transformation to stone. Given his last run in with the native peoples of this world, Naruto opted to take the stealthy route around this... Gotham City.

The world here screamed in pain, like someone was rubbing salt in an open wound. This whole world seemed to be far more industrialized than back home and the world was suffering for it. This particular place seemed to be one of the worst places, judging from what the winds told him.

He found the source of the signature in a place called 'Arkham Asylum.' Their security was terrible. He ghosted around the place with out a care. He had seen cameras before and so was able to avoid them, and creative use of his sensei's invisiblity jutsu and surface walking kept him out of sight of all the inmates.

Eventually he found her, in a great big bubble cell. There was something reddish floating inside the air in there. He frowned and prepared himself for a stakeout.

A few days later, he went a little further and pilfered her records. Pamela Isley, aka Poison Ivy. A bio-chemical accident that resulted in her mutation into a plant-person-thing. She was an eco-terrorist, and had serious issues with men. Her accident had been caused by a man, and it had also rendered her unable to have children. Also after her transformation she released pheremones that had nearly caused a few sexual assualts (recorded inside of the asylum). And finally she said she could 'talk' with her 'babies.'

Definitely a case of terribly unbalanced chakras. The influx of not natural information coupled with her lack of training was probably driving her insane. He could fix that. Now he just had to wait.

XXXXX

Batman was rather frustrated. After getting a call from Superman, he had been working almost full time to find this Naruto Uzumaki. It was either an alias, or, if what he said to Supergirl was true, he was a warrior/soldier from another world. He needed to find and take this man in.

"So, you're the 'Batman?'"

As Batman spun around, he heard the loud crunch of an apple being bitten into. There was a blonde man lounging on a few crates.

"And you are?"

Batman began to subtly move to activate the Batcave's security. How the cave had been breached, he had no idea.

"Uzumaki Naruto. Sage. And me, specifically, clone. And don't bother with the security, I'm not the boss. He's off somewhere waiting for the go."

"A clone? And who's your boss?"

"Yeah, a clone. And Uzumaki Naruto is. Don't you guys have clones here? Jeez. Anyways. The boss needs to spring Pamela Isley from Arkham. He thinks he can solve a lot of her problems. She needs sage training. The overflow of natural energies is part of the reason she's crazy."

"Ivy? She's staying right where she is. And eve-"

"Yeah, well, apparently you don't get it. Sage. Higher calling. People like you, Bruce Wayne, have your calling as Batman, people like the Boss, and soon, Pamela, go higher than that. You don't get a choice. I was just letting you know, so you could relax. She won't be committing any crimes on his watch."

"No, Ivy stays in Arkham."

The 'clone' just shook his head.

"You know, Bruce. You are a moron. World's greatest detective, my ass. How the world doesn't know who you are, I'll never know. Bye."

Batman hurled himself forward only to grasp smoke. The plop of the bitten apple and its chewed remains hit the floor. What in the...

Batman frowned. This 'sage' had infiltrated the Batcave, knew his identity, and even left evidence. He quickly collected it, before rushing off to Arkham.

XXXXX

"Would you like to be normal again?"

The voice cut through her cell and startled Pamela.

"You have an imbalance of chakras, which is why you are so plant-like. I can teach you to fix that. You could be mostly normal again."

As she looked for the source of the voice and pumped out more pheremones, Pamela answered him.

"Mostly normal? Do explain."

"Stop with the pollen, just makes me sneeze. And mostly normal... You can't be normal again after what you've been through. But if you acheive balance, you'll be far more human, as well as more than human, than you are. You could live a normal life, get married, have children."

Pamela's voice hitched and she grew angry.

"I can never have children!"

"Not as you are. You are too much plant not enough woman. And if the situation isn't fixed you will eventually be nothing but a very smart plant. You are out of balance. If you can balance yourself, you will be human but with plant characteristics, just like me."

"You? You've had this?!" she gestured to her body, "happen to you?"

"Not become a plant, no. My price for failure was to turn into a toad statue. I have a contract with the Toad Spirits, so I have toad characteristics."

Then the man stepped out into her line of sight, from nothing. He looked normal, until she saw his eyes. They were captivating. He... he was captivating. He felt right. He felt natural. Like he belonged in nature.

"We don't have much time, Batman didn't take too kindly to me telling him to let me take you. I need your answer now."

Pamela thought very hard for a second. If this man was telling the truth, she could have children! She could be an eco-activist and not a terrorist. She hated quite a few men, but even she knew they were nessecary for procreation...

But she would be a fugitive again. On the run from the Bat.

"Ivy! Stay where you are!" she heard Batman roar as he broke into the cell and moved to take down the man with strange eyes. The man with toad's eyes just smiled and held out his hand. She took it and they were gone, leaving Batman grasping at air.

The Bat stood tall and left quietly as the guards flooded the detention block, responding to the cell comprimization. He smiled behind his breathing apparatus. He had managed to tag the man with a tracking device.

He dropped into the Batmobile's seat only to spot a note on his dash. On it was the small trackign device he had planted, minutes ago.

It read: Nice try, Bruce. But I was a jonin before I became a full Sage. To me, you're nothing but a genin.

It was signed with the Kanji for shinobi and the kanji for sage. Batman crumpled the note. How did this guy repetitively break through his security?

XXXXX

A/N: I know it looks like a setup for NarutoXIvy but that isn't the setup in my head. I would get Naruto and Kara together. That's because Ivy is much older than Naruto and Naruto really hammered the 'you are my student' thing into her head. She's grateful and would love to get into it with him, but respects his choice. Very flirty. Causes problems when Kara decides to like Naruto. I'm not sure how I would get that to work, but I would try at least. If I couldn't NarutoXIvy it is.

Batman is good, no doubt. But he rarely fights against someone who has a similar skill set and is a 'meta-human.' He's used to overconfident crazies. To Naruto, who is the apprentice of a spy-master, a sage, and by the time in the naruto timeline he takes the plunge, a jonin. Naruto is very skilled at stealth and subterfuge, he just prefers to beat people's faces in.

Whenever I look at Superman/Supergirl I just feel that they're like Heracles. Lots of brawn. So much strength they brutalize everything in their path. Not a lot of technique. They know how to throw punches and stuff but compared to Naruto who has fought in a war, and been a ninja for most of his life... Well, they are untrained. Like super strong, flying, lazer eyeball civilians. Naruto has seen all of that before and can counter it. He has his own invulnerability, regeneration, and slight precognition, plus a huge bag of tricks. Then wind jutsu are straight unfair. A rasenshuriken to the face of Superman would put him out of commission for a long time.

Lets face it. Naruto is just brokenly powerful in every world but his own. You have to introduce him when he's young, with no sage mode, and no kyuubi in order for him to be just another face in the crowd who is a spotlight hog.


	8. Chapter 8: Gimped him but he's still op

A/N: Why, Kishimoto, why? Sharks shouldn't be jumped every other chapter!

Time to Roll Up My Sleeves

or

Fuck, no Kyuubi or Sage Mode.

and

Where Dafuq am I?

"Oh, shit."

Naruto knew that everything was about to go pear shaped when Kurama of all entities said 'oh, shit.'

And then it did. Obito just imploded.

Naruto had managed to force Obito and Madara's hands. Making a jinchuriki out of the ten-tails. Then Naruto absorbed the Yin half of Kurama's chakra from where it was sealed away in his father. It gave Kurama unlimited chakra and its potency was barely under that of the ten-tails.

Coupled with Naruto and Kurama's experience as fighting as jinchuriki, as well as them working in harmony, they managed to beat the ever loving fucking shit out of Obito. And then Naruto wasn't feeling particularly kind and began to flay the flesh from Obito's bones repetitvely. Watching someone else heal almost as fast as he did was pretty cool.

Sasuke and Sakura were off puking their brains out. Apparently Orochimaru and Tsunade were soft in comparison to Jiraiya. That man may have wanted peace, but he was hardcore as fuck.

There was a reason why they managed to hold off Hanzo and it had been Jiraiya.

Orochimaru was a cruel genius and Tsunade talented, but the drive that fed Jiraiya would let him be as brutal and creative as the situation called for. His ninjutsu were mean. His taijutsu were mean. His weapon skills were mean.

Jiraiya was just plain mean to his enemies. Carving them into slaughtered hunks of meat or blasting them to itty bitty bits. Everything he else he used was to setup for something to end the game. Jiraiya would have fucked Obito and Madara's shit so hard it came out sideways. Pein, Nagato, was right to fear his once upon a time sensei.

Naruto might not be the quickest on the uptake, but Jiraiya was a talented teacher and had taught Naruto all of the basics needed to be just as mean. His truest and most direct apprentice.

A dead man couldn't cause a war. As counter productive as that was to ending the cycle of hate...

And Obito imploded from the strain of healing himself. Tailess (as in his inability to enter a tailed state, as opposed to the fact that he housed the ten tails) bitch ass jinchuriki.

The tugging in the navel hurt, and then the implosion exploded and Naruto went flying, faster and faster until the world bled white.

XXXXX

"WHAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-URP-WHOA-ERGH-SHIT-FUCK-AHH HHH-OOF!"

Skipping across the ground wasn't fun. Hitting a wall at the end was even less fun. At least the spider web cracks would look pretty cool around the Naruto shaped crater.

"Owwwww."

Prying himself from the wall wasn't fun either. Bones snapping back into place hurt like a motherfucker. And the drain on his chakra was noticable.

That was new. Normally, his healing was accelerated by Kurama's chakra as it drifted through his system, and barely touched his own.

"Ah, hello there, young man."

Naruto blinked through the bleariness of closing his eyes while he kept going faster and his eventual sudden stop.

"May I ask what you are doing on my mansion's grounds?"

There was a bald man sitting in a chair with wheels. Behind him was a burly short man with black hair everywhere, and a tall mocha skinned woman with white hair. He didn't know where the men came from but she was definitely from Kumo.

Not really trusting his voice, Naruto used his hands to imitate skipping across the ground and splat! Landing against the wall, as he stood shakily, the last of his bones snapping loudly into place. Then he shrugged.

"You don't know? Do you know how you came to be here?"

"Tobi go boom."

Something was in his head. Sifting through his memories.

"Get outta my head..."

Kami, he felt so tired. The bald man showed a look of slight surprise.

"Remarkable, you can tell. However, young man, I cannot, in good faith, allow you to be on my grounds without checking you out first."

Naruto chuckled dryly as he started focusing on the woman's assets. Good ol' Jiraiya said that a good tactic in getting people, such as the Yamanaka's out of your head or countering their jutsu, was to focus on one thing to the exclusion of all else. And most people were prudes or closet perverts. Sex always worked.

Kami, was she fucking hot too. He would love to lick those nipples, suckle on them like a babe and slowly work his way downwards across her bell- Fucker was out.

"Don't swing that way."

The short, but standing man let out a bark like laugh.

"He's got you pegged, Chuck."

The newly revealed 'Chuck' hmm'd slightly.

"An interesting defence. Perhaps then, a more informal verbal questioning?"

"Yeah," Naruto croaked, "Sure. But I get one whiff of torture and I'm out. Last time wasn't so fun."

The woman gasped and covered her mouth. She even had a hot mouth. Naruto idly wondered what it would be like to stuff it with his little shinobi and then glaze her face. The hairy man grunted and gained a sour look. The bald man remained impassive. As the man started his interrogation, Naruto began looking for outs.

"Are you here on purpose, would be a good place to start."

"Nope, don't even know where here is."

"We are in Bayville, New York. Your name?"

"Uzumaki Naruto, genin, Konoha, serial Uniform-955419, yours?"

Where in creation was Bayville or New York?

"I am Professor Charles Xavier, this is Ororo Munroe, and Logan. They are both teachers here at the Institute for the Gifted. What is a 'genin' and 'Konoha?'"

Naruto's mind raced. They didn't know what a genin was? And Bayville? What was going on?! He couldn't be in the Elemental Nations. EVERYONE knew what a ninja was there!

"Apprentice Ninja. Konohagakure is my Village Affiliation. Where are the Elemental Nations, specifically the Land of Fire, in relation to where we are?"

Prof. Xavier and Logan shared a look.

"There is no-where on this Earth called the Elemental Nations or the Land of Fire. Young man, I believe you are rather severely displaced."

Naruto nodded.

"Thought so. Hey, if I pass out, what're you gonna do?"

It was the really hot chick who answered, sounding aghast that he would even contemplate anything other than her answer to be an option. Given that he'd been tortured before, he had no idea why she thought he would expect her answer to be the only correct route.

"Give you medical attention! What else would we do?!"

Given what he could feel empathically, that sounded about right. They might keep him restrained when he woke up, but they'd heal him. Cool beans.

"More torture and mind walking? But the hospital sounds good right about now."

And he slumped to the ground, confident that they would bring him somewhere where there was medicine and the kami-forsaken disinfectant.

Ororo let out a strangled cry as he passed out. Logan supressed the urge to facepalm at her reaction, the boy told them he was going to pass out. Even as the boy finished crumpling, Logan strode forward and caught him. The Canadian hefted the surprisingly heavy teen onto his shoulders and began walking at a sedate pace beck to the infirmary.

All the while, Ororo fussed, and Chuck contemplated.

XXXXX

Naruto took the time to visit Kurama, only to find the cage empty.

"Well, isn't this a kick in the nuts. Fight to save his furry ass along with everyone else's and he's fucking gone."

"Who would that be, young man?"

Naruto waved absent-mindedly. He was expecting the mind-walker at somepoint. The mind-walker also seemed to be walking, not rolling through his mind. Though the man didn't seem excited to be in a sewer.

"Kurama. Giant fox demon. Most powerful of the Bijuu, and my partner. Anyways, let's go topside, its depressing down here."

Naruto led Charles through twisting paths to the surface of his mind. The doors they passed were numerous and gave Charles the impression of terrible memories. The doors were rusty and occasionally locked with chains or even welded shut. This young man had experienced the horrors of mankind.

Eventually they emerged in a large city and Naruto headed off towards a specific place. Dutifully, Charles continued to follow. And their destination was obviously a food stand of somekind. A steaming bowl of a noodle soup appeared and Naruto tore into it, even while opening the conversation.

"Welcome to my head, mind-walker. Let's get this interorgation over with."

"It is not an interrorgation, Naruto. A question and answer session perhaps, but I sense no ill will from you."

Naruto nodded, as Charles seated himself on the stool at the opposite end of the ramen bar.

"Yeah, well, I sensed none from you guys either, which is why I let myself go. Though... Logan, was it? Got a lot of rage that one."

"You are a telepath as well?"

"Naw, empath, like my great aunt Mito. I take it you want to know my backstory?"

Charles nodded.

"Eh, was born, became a living human sacrifice, was hated and alone, gained friends, became a ninja, gained more friends, saved a few countries and villages, got apprenticed to a great ninja, saved the world, fought some demons, saved the world a few more times, got blown up, and I'm here. Which is nowhere near home, and without the eldritch and arcane knowledge of my demonic partner, probably have no way of getting home."

Charles stared for a moment.

"That was rather vague and obtuse."

Naruto shrugged.

"Ninja, deal with it."

Charles gave a wry smile.

"Tell me about your ninja then."

"Basically five great villiages, a bunch of pissant tiny ones. Konoha is the greatest of the five, having come out on top in three of the four great wars. The fourth war was all five working together to stop the ressurection of the ten-tailed demon. Kurama was the nine tails and he was stupid powerful. So the ten-tails was a omega level threat."

Naruto waved his hand and a little Kurama appeared on the counter, then a much larger ten tails sat next to him.

"We'll get back to that I'm sure. Anyways, missions ranked from D to A and then S. We were everything from gardeners to assassins and warriors to everything in between. We used three primary branches of techniques: Genjutsu, which are illusionary; Taijutsu, or the art of using one's body; and Ninjutsu, of which there are five primary elements, I'm a wind primary by the way, a slew of secondary and Yin and Yang techniques. The most popular secondary branches of techniques are the weapon techniques, followed by sealing. Both of which I'm a dab hand at, but no master. Then there are forbidden techniques. I know a few, but none of the ones that were forbidden because they are a crime against nature."

"And the fourth war?"

"The Uchiha that had founded Konoha along with Senju Harashima went off the deep end and orchestrated most of the wars that happened in a bid to get revenge. The eventuality of this was his Moon's Eye plan. Where he would use a super powerful genjutsu to bring peace, by robbing everyone of their free will. The ten-tails was the only being powerful enough to make that happen.

So, big war, lots of fighting against him and his forces. His apprentice eventually becomes the sacrifice for the ten-tails, and me and Kurama had just beaten him. We had a lot more experience with being a sacrifice, so once we managed to put Kurama back together all the way, we kicked Tobi's ass. Tobi couldn't handle the strain and imploded, and then exploded. And that's why I'm here. I think. No idea where Kurama went."

"A vague yet intriguing story."

"If this really is a new world, it'll get less vague when I sell it as a book to make money."

At that Charles had to chuckle. If it was half as interesting as it could be, it would likely be a best seller.

Naruto's face screwed up in thought. Before gaining a look of panic.

"Fuck! The Toads!"

And the young man bolted from his seat, Charles ran after him, calling for him to wait.

Naruto stopped soon enough and stared at an empty pond. He collapsed and began to pound the ground.

"Why me?! Why, in all the Kami's names, me?! This is just fantastic. No Kurama, and no sage mode or toad techniques."

Charles attempted to comfort Naruto only to be brushed aside.

"It would be best if you go, mind-walker. We can continue when I wake up."

Never before had Charles been expelled from a mind so forcefully, from a non-telepath. It was a new experience. While he flew away, he caught the snippets of the boys memories, good and bad, and made an assessment.

XXXXX

Charles slammed back into his wheelchair, panting.

"That was most interesting."

Most interesting, indeed. No to just brief the other senior memebers of the X-men on a possible new recruit. The young man had a good mindset, one that would serve the X-men well.

XXXXX

Naruto tried to open his eyes only to find they were crusted shut. What kind of medical facility allows for your eyes to get that bad? And his hands were bound to the bed he was lying on. Fun.

"Oi! Oi! Anybody there?"

There was a clang and some liquid going everywhere. The sound of glass shattering was distinct amongst the clang of metal. Some softer materials bounced around. All of this was accompanied by a feminine gasp.

Maybe it was the hot chick who looked like she was from Kumo.

"I'm sorry! I had no idea you were awake! I was coming to clean your eyes, there's a lot of build up."

Nope not Ororo. The voice was lighter and didn't have the strange lilt to it that suggested that Common wasn't Ororo's first language.

"Awesome. Just what I was looking for actually. I can't open my eyes, and I didn't want to slip my restraints and have you people pissy at me."

There was movement in the air that was reminiscent of Gaara and his sand, or Kankuro and his puppets. The mood also considerably soured.

"You people? What do you mean by 'you people?'"

Irritation and anger coloured her words.

"I mean you people, who are taking care of me. What did you think I meant?"

A wet washcloth began moving across his face, and there was no hand guiding it. What in the fuck?

"Mutants. I thought you were a mutant hater."

"What in the name of the Heavenly Empress is a mutant?"

"People who are born with extra-ordinary abilites. Like mine. I'm a telepath and telekenetic."

"Oh, so like a bloodline limit? We have tons of those back home. The only one I come close to hating is the Uchiha. 'Cause they are, one hundred precent, crazy assholes. The Last Uchiha was my best friend though."

Naruto opened his eye and saw yet another hot chick. Only this one looked like an Uzumaki. He jerked back, rattling his restraints.

"What's your name?" he demanded.

"Jean Gray, why?"

She even had a cute confused expression! Just like his entire clan! She had to be related! Or... he was in an alternate dimension (or something) and she just so happened to look like an Uzumaki.

"Nothing, nevermind. Forgot I wasn't home anymore for a second."

For moment they were both silent, and Naruto could feel her poking his mind with hers. What, were they all mind-walkers?

"Why can't I read your mind?"

"Where I come from, randomly reading people's minds is considered rude. And because I've been trained to counter mind-walkers. Gentle probes don't get very far."

Jean at least had the decency to look embarrassed for a moment, before perking up.

"Oh, I have to go tell Beast and the Professor that your awake!"

And she tore out of the room before he could ask who 'Beast' was. That didn't seem like a fun name. Was he their Ibiki?

XXXXX

Beast, as it turned out, was simply a rather apt name for a man named Hank McCoy. The man was big blue and furry. He aluded to another person in the house, who was smaller, but had a similar physical mutation. Beast was also there to do a check up, as the primary medical care person in the Professor's employ.

"Cool. I thought you were going to torture me."

"Stars and garters, no! We are not barbarians! Why would you think that?"

Naruto shook his restrained hands.

"Still tied down. Been tortured before. Yanno, the usual. I mean, I'm pretty sure I told Red that I could slip these pretty easily."

Hank chuckled.

"I doubt it, young man, those are adamantium... cuffs..."

Naruto waved his now free hand, before sliding it back into the cuffs like it was a hair scrunchie and not a restraint.

"You guys were nice enough to help me heal, and I didn't wake up in what I thought was a torture room, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Now, can I officially be released? Pretty please?"

The door opened with a hiss that set Naruto on edge, and the bald mind-walker rolled in. With the short hairy man in tow. The man practically smelled like feral rage, barely restrained. Who knew, maybe Logan's feral rage was barely restrained.

"Yes, we are going to release you now, and you will be free to go, however, I have a propistion for you."

Logan walked over and began releasing the cuffs on Naruto's wrists and ankles.

"I'm listening."

"We have need of someone fo your unique skills. While Logan is quite gifted with a ninja's skill set, from what I saw, you have far more eclectic knowledge in the ninja arts. I would employ you as a security agent and as another instructor here at the Institute."

"Pay?"

"Five hundred weekly, plus room and board."

Not a bad gig, and it would give him a base to work out of.

"Restrictions?"

Logan stepped back, mentally catolouging the conversation. Naruto swung himself into a seated position.

"You would also be required to attend schooling with the other children, given that you are only sixteen, and education is compulsory until approximately eighteen. Other than being able to attend, you have very few. A curfew is in place, you must be in the mansion by ten thirty, with the exclusion of possible missions."

"Bonus pay for side missions?"

At this, Chareles looked confused.

"Side missions?"

"Yeah, my primary is to be security and an instructor. Anything other than that is a side mission and therefore requires bonus pay."

"Ninja are mercenary, Chuck. This sounds pretty standard. Give him a grand for every mission he comes home from."

Charles nodded.

"Another thousand per mission. I assume then, you would like a contract drawn up?"

Naruto nodded, silently thanking Jiraiya for lessons in impromptu mission contracting.

"One more thing, are you able and willing to give us a demonstration of your skills?"

At this Naruto shook his head.

"Can't do that. I lost a lot coming here. I have to retrain for a little while and find my limits and abilities again."

"Perhaps Logan can observe and offer help?"

Logan looked rather disgruntled at the suggestion. Naruto just shrugged. Given the lack of chakra he was sensing, none of them could replicate what he could do.

"Sure, whatever. Where's my shit?"

Beast pointed to a small cabinet next to the bed.

"Everything that was found on you was placed in there, and I must say, it is quite the armory."

Naruto chuckled.

"Oh, that's what you think. Wait 'til I do an inventory."

XXXXX

By the end of the week, Naruto had a pretty good grasp on where his skills were. His chakra control was much better without bits of Kurama floating around in his system, but his supply was far less endless. With (still, damnit) the exception of the basic clone, the academy jutsu were fine. Using the Mass Shadow Clone really put a strain on him when he created more than thirty long lasting clones. He could still manage a hundred or more short term clones.

The Rasengan was cake, along with all of its non-elemental variations. The Wind Style Rasengan took a little bit oncentration, and he didn't dare try the Rasenshuriken inside the Danger Room, which was the best thing ever when it came to training.

Naruto began to work through the Big Scroll he had unsealed from one of his little scrolls. It had been his sensei's and was a stash of porn, weapons, and jutsu so huge that not even Konoha's main ANBU library/armory paled in comparison.

The second week and Naruto had a rough version of his sensei's style going, and Naruto deemed that good enough for retraining, and decided to introduce himself to the house at large, with a demonstration. The 'X-men' versus him.

XXXXX

"Really? He thinks he can take all of us on?" Scott asked in a disbelieving voice, "He's only been here and training for two weeks! On his own!"

"You'll find, Scott, that he is supremely capable. He is a trained warrior, and has been trained since he was very young. He has been training here, for only two weeks, but he has almost twelve years of training under his belt."

Charles was trying to get across the impression that they shouldn't underestimate the new member of the house. It wasn't working.

"Please, he ain't got skills like we got."

"Ja, ve vill truss him up gut!"

Even the girls had similar thoughts, and Charles knew it was all a wash. Logan just chuckled and Ororo smiled serenly. Evan needed a kick in the pants.

"Suit up then, kiddies. And go find out why he's one of your new instructors."

XXXXX

Naruto stood in the middle of the Danger room, calm as he could be. He had decided to accept the x-suit he was given. It was near all black, with a X-beltbuckle, and it was sleevless, with long gloves covering his forearms and the start of his bicep. Forearm, shin, and chest protectors rounded out the look, and he asked Charles to make him a custom kitsune mask.

Forge had only been too happy to have a chance to make a fully integrated HUD. Naruto shut that down and got a plain ceramic mask and armor. He then used a lot of the standard ANBU seals plus a few from his sensei's personal library.

These kids had no chance.

Scott Summers AKA Cyclops fired thermo-kinetic optical blasts but was reliant on his visor.

Jean Grey AKA Jean Grey or Ms. Marvel was a telekinetic and a telepath. Odds are she wasn't skilled enough to do both at the same time, effectively, making anything she could do easy to counter.

Kurt Wagner AKA Nightcrawler was an incredible acrobat and teleporter. Constant substitution, the only thing Naruto really had to watch out for was the tail. That extra limb was unusual and different.

Evan Daniels AKA Spyke could shoot bone spikes and was adept at usuing something called a skateboard. It would be like fighting a shitty Kimmimaro. Maybe if Naruto could get some serious time with the boy, he'd be great. But for right now? Easy.

Anna Marie AKA Rogue (Call her Rogue) was an above average civillian with absorbtion powers. She could absorb the memories and skills of anybody. He didn't want to risk her getting any of his hijutsu, so she was the first target, and soft.

Katherine 'Kitty' Pride AKA Shadowcat could become intangible. Unless she was very creative and skilled with those powers, she might as well be another Rogue.

Unless they had incredible teamwork and synergy... Nah.

This was going to be so easy.

XXXXX

They were cocky as they entered the room and the rest of the Institute gathered in the observation deck.

The X-men spotted their 'challenger.' And waited.

"Welcome, everyone," Naruto began, nodding to the X-men then to those gathered on the observation deck, "To a demonstration of my skills. I am Naruto Uzumaki, and if you didn't know, I'm your newest instructor. This is mostly for your benefit, so you can know what kind of skills I have so that our teamwork can be better. I look forward to going to school with you all and teaching you here at the Institute. Now."

Naruto turned and faced the X-men giving them a vulpine smile as he covered his face with his mask.

"Let's get wild."

XXXXX


End file.
